SB (Stevo) dips a Dunkin’ donut into that lukewarm excuse for coffee… pauses… little gleam in his eye… bodyguard standing there like he’s protecting nuclear codes instead of a guy marinating pastries.
I mean, I find the whole thing hilarious. Is SB still out there galavanting across the country giving his nonsensical TED Talk cosplay about “reinvention,” while reminding everyone no one messes with him because he’s the big bad CEO of… Xerox? Xerox. Let that sink in.
Meanwhile, I check the stock every now and then and it looks like it’s being actively vacuumed into a black hole. Honest question—how long before it’s under a buck? 30 days?
And every time I check the stock, I swing by the old layoff site like it’s a weather report. “Ah yes, 100% chance of people getting axed with a light breeze of corporate optimism.” What amazes me is there are still folks in there thinking, “If we just get rid of SB… or Bruno when he was there… THEN things will turn around.”
Bruno was at least entertaining. Gold chains, hair plugs, that overcooked New York accent—like a discount My Cousin Vinny extra who wandered onto a corporate earnings call. You just know he was peeling out of parking lots in an ‘80s Camaro blasting Springsteen, headed to “reinvent” something that absolutely did not get reinvented.
Watching those two was like a low-budget reality show:
“Tonight on As the Copier Turns—we reinvent the company!”
Cut to next scene: “Sell more copiers or we’re shutting the lights off.”
The whiplash was impressive.
Here’s the part no one wants to say out loud: it’s a dead industry. It’s not “struggling,” it’s not “transitioning,” it’s not “pivoting.” It’s dead. Gone. Buried. We’re arguing over how to rearrange deck chairs on a fax machine or typewriter.
And no—no amount of white-trash Ken Dolls in slim-fit suits are bringing it back to life. Especially not wrapped in that special blend of Xerox arrogance where everything is somehow the customer’s fault while the company lights itself on fire.
Xerox isn’t “on the ropes.” It’s irrelevant. Completely.
LinkedIn tried to suggest Xerox jobs to me the other day. I actually laughed out loud. Who is signing up to board the Titanic after it’s already snapped in half? “Yeah, I’d love a role in mid-ocean operations, preferably underwater.”
I genuinely don’t understand why people are still there. Why? I’ve been gone over a year—make 3x the money, zero stress, and I no longer wake up wondering which coworkers vanished overnight or which customer is furious because we’re somehow violating a contract we wrote.
Even if… the industry magically came back, Xerox still wouldn’t make it. You can only disappoint customers, ignore problems, and double down on nonsense for so long before the bill comes due.
And it’s due…