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One of the very few good company programs

It must be out of GPS, but I really like the program where we hire people with mental disabilities to clean the kitchens throughout campus. I genuinely think it's nice even though it's not always convenient.

But I don't think we've taken this program far enough. I think as a way of turning around the company we should replace the majority of VPs and Senior directors across the company with people from this program.

Now some of you may argue that people with severe mental disabilities aren't going to be able to operate in high functioning positions like Nike vice presidents and senior directors do. But at this point I'm willing to take that bet.

#Program #Hiring #Humor

Tailgate Talk

Did you all see that new podcast? Mike is sitting on a truck tailgate at a trailer park sipping an ice cold Busch talking about trucks and oil. He's really trying to get the MAGA people on board!

#OilAndGas #Humor

Employee Satisfaction Survey

On a scale of 1–10, how much do you actively hate DXC as your employer?

1 = "I wake up weeping but I still log into MS Teams out of sheer muscle memory."

2 = "Every internal email banner triggers a violent somatic response. I have thrown up twice during global town halls."

3 = "I don’t even care about getting another job anymore. I have transitioned into pure, unadulterated spite. My only career goal is to remain on payroll long enough to watch this company default on its office leases."

4 = "I have accepted that this is purgatory. I no longer look at my bank account or the calendar. Time has lost all meaning."

5 = "I am using DXC paid compute landscape to mine crypto as a side hustle."

6 = "I actively feed wrong information to the project managers just to watch the client panic on the weekly sync."

7 = "I am deliberately missing high-severity SLAs, letting tickets rot in the queue to trigger financial penalties big enough to default the company."

8 = "I am actively injecting ransomware and destructive malware into the core delivery pipeline, ensuring our entire environment is completely unrecoverable by morning."

9 = "I am actively feeding my client counterparts the exact internal audit trails, contractual loop-holes and falsified billing logs they need to legally terminate their contracts with DXC for material breach so that I can burn DXC to the ground from the inside out."

10 = "I am actively dropping production databases and deleting backups during peak hours, purposefully disrupting client infrastructure so this entire entity finally collapses into bankruptcy."

#Culture #EmployeeSatisfaction #Morale #Humor #Sarcasm

The Day the Cows Did a Welfare Check

Remember when the cows wandered into EMHC last year and security didn’t even bother to send a fake “your safety matters” email? I’m convinced they went straight to Darren’s room, took one look at him, and were like, “Ah. You’ve got this ” and just left. Honestly, what else could their visit have been for.

#Humor #Safety #Leadership

5/19 Board Sentiment

Fear / uncertainty

  • Approximate presence: High before and during notifications

  • Examples:

    • Questions about emails
    • “1:1s”
    • Worry about notifications

Anger / betrayal

  • Approximate presence: Very high

  • Examples:

    • Criticism of leadership
    • Repeated complaints

Info seeking

  • Approximate presence: High

  • Examples:

    • Severance discussions
    • Notification questions

Speculation

  • Approximate presence: Medium

  • Examples:

    • Acquisition rumors
    • Nvidia/Cisco discussion

Dark humor

  • Approximate presence: Medium

  • Examples:

    • Leaderboard jokes
    • “DDAY” framing

Optimism

  • Approximate presence: Low

  • Examples:

    • Hoping “survivors” can rebuild
#Humor #Environment #Board

6 Sigma

OK, so Six Sigma is impressive cause nothing says INOVATION like spending 6 months proving with a laminated chart that people occasionally make mistkes... then assigning Greek letters to the revelation so it feels scientific.

its greatest achievement is turning common sense into a certification ladder... where every workplce problem can be solved by a belt-ranked priesthood... armed with acronyms, control charts, and the spiritual conviction that if a process still fails it simply has not been measured into submission hard enough...

So, yea - Six Sigma is the way to go...

#Humor #Environment

Hilarious Website.... www.ford.com

Ford AI: Hi, how can I help you?

Me: Show me 2026 Bronco Inventory

Ford AI: Error. I'm having trouble getting that information. You can try again or come back later.

Me: why did it take so long to say "I have trouble getting that information" :). What is my closest dealership?

Ford AI: Error. I'm having trouble getting that information. You can try again or come back later.

Me: what is my closest dealership

Ford AI: Here are some links that may be relevant to your search for the closest Ford dealership:
Locate a Dealer
Find a Dealer

Me: Just tell me the name of closest dealership

Ford AI: I can provide you with links to find your closest Ford dealership, but I cannot tell you the specific name without knowing your location. You can use these links to locate a dealer near you:

Locate a Dealer
Find a Dealer

Me: Ok...here is my zip code.
Ford AI: Please use the following link to locate a dealer:

Locate a Dealer

GEMINI:

Me: what is closest ford dealership

Gemini: You have two very convenient Ford dealerships nearby depending on which direction you are heading.

The closest options are:

  1. Ken Grody Ford Carlsbad
    This is your absolute closest option, located right in Carlsbad.

Address: 5555 Paseo Del Norte, Carlsbad, CA 92008

  1. North County Ford
    Located just slightly inland in Vista, this is another very close alternative.

Address: 420 N Emerald Dr, Vista, CA 92083 (Located in the Vista area)

#CustomerService #Feedback #Humor #Innovation #Technology

Memo: Organizational Updates Under Our People First Strategy

/s

To: Team
From: Leadership
Subject: Organizational Updates Under Our People First Strategy

Team,

We have reviewed the results from the employee surveys shared over the past several months.

The feedback showed consistent themes: a desire for greater stability, consistency, clarity, communication, and transparency. We heard those requests, and today we are responding.

We are announcing another organizational restructuring as part of our new People First Strategy.

As part of this strategy, we will be removing several things employees currently value in order to support progress and future alignment.

We understand that change can be uncomfortable. To address that directly, we will be rolling out 12 major organizational changes at the same time.

More details will follow.

—-

Now you guys finish this memo by adding 12 org changes…

#Humor #Satire #Survey #Reorg

Be bold

One of the panelists (an upper manager for another group in a suit and tie) told all of us “this is a pretty cool place to work for. This is pretty cool.” I responded “yes-if I was making your money I would say the same thing.” People laughed and so did he. We shall see.

#Culture #EmployeeEngagement #Humor #Leadership #OfficePolitics

Is Gemini my new boss?

Every week I use Gemini to create my weekly report for my boss. They use Gemini to read it. They then use Gemini to extract the highlights of my Gemini generated report along with the highlights of my peers to send another Gemini generated report to their VP. Is anybody actually reading or understanding anything anymore?

#AI #Automation #Humor