#slacklocked hashtag - TheLayoff.com

Communicating while laid off

Was laid off last Wednesday with the rest of the team. Was told HR would help with finding employment and it was encouraged to communicate with hiring managers. How can I communicate without slack/internal email? Also, I need remote employment and none of these other jobs offer remote. They simply don’t care about members and their own employees. So much for the culture and leadership. This place will go down. It is just a matter of time!

#Layoffs #Offboarding #Outplacement #RemoteWork #SlackLocked

This is what you’ll see on 1/28.

From an internal board: What you’ll find out on 1/28

You wake up at 10:00 a.m. for your 10:00 standup. You open your laptop, planning to tell the team you have no updates. You try to log into your Mac. It doesn’t work.

Panic sets in. Oh no—I'm going to miss standup. My manager is going to ki-l me.

You grab your phone to message the team on Slack. Slack won’t open. You’ve been logged out. Now you’re really freaking out. What is happening?!

You start trying to remember every paging alias. Okay, I’ll just page everyone.
You send paging emails from your personal email.

There’s a typo in one alias. You accidentally page Andy Jassy.

Andy Jassy’s executive assistant gets the page. She looks at her pager and sees your name. Who the he-l is this?
Then another page comes in.
Then another.
And another.

Her phone won’t stop ringing. It’s completely unusable.

She jumps out of bed and wakes Andy.
“Hey Andy.”

Andy rubs his eyes. “No. Hey.”

“Sorry Andy,” she says. “My phone went totally bananas. Everyone is paging you.”

Andy snaps back, “Too many bananas. So we asked ourselves: what’s the best way to get rid of bananas? That’s why we eliminated bananas. If you think about it, it’s just layoffs. Bananas go nuts.”

Then he rolls over and falls back into a deep sleep.

That’s what you’ll see on 1/28.

Brace yourself.

#Humor #Satire #Layoffs #Lockout #SlackLocked