@OP. This is how you should have written this: Wells Fargo HR Internal Memo (Leaked to the Public)
Posted by: "Wells Fargo HR – Compliance & Employee Surveillance Division"
We’ve received a very serious complaint: some of our valued team members may be working multiple jobs during office hours. While we deeply respect your dedication to the workforce, we must emphasize: one job per employee is the standard at Wells Fargo.
To ensure compliance, HR has launched a full-scale background-check initiative. This includes reviewing employment records, cross-checking with payroll systems, and — for the truly ambitious — verifying whether you’re actually in the office during business hours.
Cost Breakdown (Funded by 2025 Holiday Party Budget):
$50 per employee for background check verification
$10 per employee for "employee trust assessment"
$200 for the HR team’s coffee and snacks during the audit process
$100 for the "we’re not laughing, we’re serious" motivational poster
We’re not asking you to self-report — we’re checking. And yes, if you’re working a second job, we’ll know. If you’re not in the office, we’ll know. If you’re using your Wells Fargo email to apply for jobs at other banks, we’ll know.
But don’t worry — this is all for your own good. And the holiday party? It’s still on. We’ll just be eating cake while we watch your LinkedIn profile.
This is not a drill. This is not a test. This is not a joke. (But it probably should be.)