And Mark Barrenechea is back!
Happy April Fools Day!
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@c3 gold!!!! All that prompt training and vibe coding is paying off!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: OpenText to Acquire "The Gregorian Calendar"
WATERLOO, ON – April 1, 2026 – OpenText™ (NASDAQ: OTEX, TSX: OTEX), the global leader in Information Management, today announced the strategic acquisition of The Gregorian Calendar.
As part of the Titanium 26.2 release, the traditional 12-month year will be sunset and replaced with OpenText Aviator Time™.
The Shift to "Agentic Scheduling"
Under the new system, Tuesdays and Thursdays have been divested to manage corporate leverage and reduce technical debt. They will be replaced by "Information Days," which consist of 36 hours of mandatory metadata tagging and "synergy alignment."
"We realized that the linear progression of time was a legacy bottleneck," said CEO Ayman Antoun. "By migrating the calendar to the Cloud, we can now offer Time-as-a-Service (TaaS). If a project deadline is approaching too fast, our AI-powered Aviator will simply hallucinate a new weekend between Wednesday and Thursday to provide more runway."
Key Integration Features:
• Human-in-the-Loop Birthdays: To ensure proper governance, your birthday will only occur once you have successfully completed a 400-page compliance audit of your personal file structure.
• Legacy Weekend Support: Saturdays will remain available for on-premises customers, but will no longer receive security patches, bug fixes, or "fun updates."
• 1,500 Connectors to Yesterday: Aviator can now bridge the gap between your current workload and the meeting you missed in 2014, summarizing it as: "The vibes were generally collaborative."
• The "Leap Second" Divestiture: OpenText has sold all leap seconds to a private equity firm to focus exclusively on high-growth nanoseconds.
Compliance Note
Starting today, any mention of the words "April," "Monday," or "Vacation" without a valid OpenText subscription key will result in an automated litigation hold and the immediate freezing of your Outlook calendar.
OpenText: Helping you manage the information of yesterday, the hallucinations of tomorrow, and that weird 45-minute gap during lunch where you mistakenly thought you were off the clock.
@OP this was a good one 😂😅🤣
And everybody wants to know what books he is reading!
In other April Fool's news, Shannon Bell is in charge of engineering.
😂🤣😅😆😆😆
And we are going to the moon LOL
Ha that loser…. Put on you tutu dress and heels.