Does anyone know what these people actually do? They ask the people underneath them what they’re doing every week and they report it up the chain – but I have no idea what their actual job is other than passing information like a bad game of telephone. And they all backstab and talk about each other. We are talking about 50 to 60-year-old men and women who do nothing but spread gossip and back step. It’s the weirdest situation in any corporation I’ve ever been in.
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Oh, the VP and suite level at this organization? Let me enlighten you with the sheer magnitude of their tireless dedication:
They are basically modern-day nomadic warriors of shareholder value, logging 200–300 nights a year at various Marriott properties like it’s a Michelin-starred lifestyle choice. Think of it as extreme couch-surfing… but the couch is in 47 different cities and comes with airport lounge access.
Their carbon footprint is legendary. They rack up millions of miles (business class or better yet, the company jet when the quarterly numbers look extra sh---y), jetting between:
• Optum HQ for “alignment sessions”
• Offshore vendor sites for “strategic vendor governance”
• AI conferences to nod seriously at slide decks about “the future of disruption™”
• Random luxury resorts disguised as “offsite planning”
Travel ban for any doers, no real learning, conferences
Their core superpower? Acquiring and then gently euthanizing smaller companies at roughly 100× the speed of a normal human merger. Every month (sometimes weekly) they gather in conference rooms to heroically decide:
• Font size and color palette for the next “Our Bright Future” PowerPoint
• Which benefits can be shaved down
• Exact wording of the phrase “We are rightsizing for long-term success and agility” so it still sounds fresh after the 47th use
• How the comps can be “optimized” with 100% offshore and still call it American company and loot shareholders money. How to money laundering to offshore using various strategies
• Creative new ways to explain why merit increases are incompatible with “fiscal responsibility” while executive comp quietly hits another all-time high
And then—the grand finale—they prepare for town halls like Broadway actors prepping for opening night. Same script, same fake concern-face, same rehearsed pivot to “the incredible opportunities ahead,” delivered with the sincerity of a hostage video. They do this at every level: all-hands, department, team, sometimes even bathroom-mirror rehearsals just to get the eyebrow raise perfect.
So in summary:
While the rest of the organization actually try to do some real work, builds, supports, codes, cares for patients, answers phones, fixes claims, etc… the VP & C-suite heroically nuke the enterprise by traveling expensively, acquiring ruthlessly, presenting aggressively, and bullsh-tting inspirationally.
Truly exhausting work. Someone should nominate them for a participation trophy… or at least extra Marriott points
Mouli found himself a job with at BSBCA.... who knows? I am sure they have generous bonuses, merit and stocks.
As far as I.T. goes, most executives are frauds. They are so far removed from the actual work, they have no idea or understanding of the underlying technology. They have a one page sales brochure understanding at best. If the people that actually did the work walked out, the company would shut down. If every VP or above walked out, the company wouldn't skip a beat.
VPs spend their days telling others to generate presentations, in the attempt to impress their CIO or executive above, how integral they are to the operation. At the same time, they may involve themselves in M&A work, war rooms or play bean counter with resources, telling their direct reports to cut or add based upon budgets. Either way, they tell other people to do the actual work. Why do we need so many VPs to do this? Any grade 28 or 29 can do this effectively.
As far as their genius decision making, their direct reports provide most of the ideas and data anyway. These people are over paid middle men.
If you want to save money and increase efficiency, then collapse and consolidate the VP and Senior Director structure. It is incredibly bloated, costly and slows decision making. Leave the real workers alone.
Thank you
@bh if they speak up and it’s not screaming about 100X AI they will get fired, so no one has anything to say at all.
A person who was a senior director in compliance once said, I look around the meetings and there are all these people who never talk, many with blank stares and I have no knowledge what they do at the company with their obscure titles. So many of them are just people who were hired by their friends and have no real purpose.
I really wish I did. I’ve been asking myself that for the past 1.5 years….the entirety of my time at Optum. It’s all just and mirrors.
Is this the so called Growth (aka sales) org?
They are fall people. If there is an investigation or something they get blamed, fired without any severance, blacklisted from the industry.
Well if it’s anything like the Esro org .. they are sleeping with their bosses..