The mystery meeting is happening this Thursday! Nobody knows what it’s about, but the calendar invite came with no agenda and an unusually cheerful emoji from HR, never a good omen. Rumor has it the CEO will kick things off with some lighthearted jokes about the recent security breaches (classic comedy material!) and that tiny 30% drop in share prices last week. Just a “market correction,” right? Could be layoffs, could be free snacks, maybe both! It’s the corporate Hunger Games, but with spreadsheets. Bring your best smile. It might be your last official company photo.
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@k4 Beavis and Butt-Head for CEOs , FLD for the board next year. Tremendous potential! Well done folks! Great deal, fantastic! We are making great progress.
@jv The HR rep is standing over the Layoff Wheel right now, and it’s spinning like the company’s quarterly reports depend on it. They’re calling it a “tremendously efficient downsizing tool,” saying no one has ever laid people off this beautifully before.
Employees are holding their breath as the wheel clicks past names, each tick basically a countdown to someone’s laptop access disappearing. The HR rep is watching it slow, nodding like this is peak corporate innovation. And now the wheel is about to stop. One more loyal employee about to be “right-sized” into oblivion. Historic layoffs happening live. Ok, the game, beautiful, tremendous game must continue! Good luck, good job folks!
@e9 why would some not have gotten the email? doesn't make any sense
Jimmy T would be perfect. He's someone who understands all aspects of the business...He'd be a shoe in if he met that DEI criteria..... oh, well
missed the call who got promoted? Jimmy T for CEO? :-)
I wasn't on the call... what was said about layoffs? Which departments? How many? Never got the invite....
@jp so when does "right-sizing" start? next Tuesday?
@jp who all got the promotions?
@jp such inspiration. All will be turned around by the end of the year. Such leadersheep!!!
@ej Wow, folks, what a meeting. Truly historic. The CEO. Total legend. Steer the ship straight into the iceberg, and what happens? Promotions! Big promotions! Nobody’s ever seen anything like it.
Meanwhile, a few hundred will be “right-sized” to keep the books in shape. Very strong books. The best books. Just a little light on people, but who’s counting?
Really incredible leadership. Tremendous success all around. Can’t wait to see what winning looks like next quarter.
CEO and COO should be fired for gross negligence.
Do you mean state of f5? Or what
Didn’t receive such email
F5 got a hold of about 6500 coupons to purchase the turkey dinner from Walmart touted by our highest government official
maybe HR is happy to announce that the reduction in bonus is only 50% rather than no bonus at all.
@a8 Its gotta be this!!
@a4 ICQ. ICQ has been revived! F5 has acquired the iconic messaging platform and is now integrating AI and Video capabilities.
AI Overview
F5 Networks is opening a new UK headquarters in a refurbished building at Bourne Business Park in Weybridge, Surrey, which will be operational in 2026. This state-of-the-art office is designed to meet the company's expanding work in application security, multi-cloud management, and network security, and is the result of a new tenant agreement with the developer, ESR Europe, Estates Gazette, CoStar, and Green Street News.
Location: Bourne Business Park, Weybridge, Surrey, UK.
Building details: Building 100, a 23,950 sq ft, three-story office.
Occupancy: F5 Networks will operate from the site starting in 2026.
Purpose: To serve as the company's UK headquarters and expand its operations in Europe.
Features: The office is refurbished with a focus on sustainable design and will feature grade A workspace.
So is this going to be FLDs new office next year?
I know - F5 is being bought by Palo Alto Networks!!!
@OP zoom or teams?
@OP are they announcing Profit FLDs replacement?