Thread regarding Riverbed Technology Inc. layoffs

200? That's almost 10% of the total workforce. This company is totally f---ed.

...but I just planned my mandatory 4th of July holiday :(

Oh man, you ruined it. This thread was just really getting fun.

200 person RIF across the company coming in the next month. It’s being prepared right now. Sales will be hit hardest, but it’s cust across all departments.

Hello everyone, I like to pretend to pretend I’m not talking to myself while everyone else is, because I think that phrasing messages this way makes me appear like an authority on how people should behave.

Hello everyone, just wanted to tell everyone that I tend to talk to myself due to my loneliness. I ended up using my 100 personalities to create a lot of activity in this thread. I promise I’ll start taking my bipolar meds to avoid future conflicts with myself.

I also wanted to tell everyone that hermit crabs are pretty touch so I decided to use a turtle shell. I used sand and mud to construct a rudimentary shell and I plan on meeting up with some cool sea cucumbers later. If you’re free tonight, join me at #HANGINGOUTWITHSEACUCUMBERS

JK

yeh

text when you get here

U up?

We let you down JK. You deserve more ... find a better workplace ...

Sea Cucumber JK here. I prefer Costner in Waterworld for obvious reasons.

Bizzaro JK here. Sorry for missing my own walkout, I was watching Dances with Wolves because Kevin Costner is super h0t!

I was out front but nobody helped me unload the chocolate fountain so I took my things and went home.

I was ignored as a child and did not have any friends. I grew up always wanting to be cool or smart and I realize that I am not. I just feel that I know so much more than others and I believe I posses the secret strategies that can turn any company into a $1B company - only if I was given a chance.

Clearly as a self-professing loser, I will take up the offer of moving under a rock or forcibly vacating a hermit crab from its shell and live among sea creatures as Aquaman mentioned other neglected sea creatures exist.

To everyone, visit the ocean one year from now and join me in my new campaign to #BRINGSEACUCUMBERSBACK as they are an orphaned sea creature much like myself - perhaps I’ll datr a sea cucumber myself and have many little cucumbers of my own.

For now, I bid a farewell and I’m off to the beaches to find me a nice shell to live in!

JK

JK is a joke and so is this entire thread

Oooooooooooooooooooh yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!

Lol, this thread is so funny. I will wait Wednesday to see if this is actually happening. I don't think people at Riverbed has guts to do that. Riverbedders are tame people.

Oh No!

I just got the shirts back from the printer and the date is wrong. Wednesday is the 6th, not the 7th!!! I have my children’s college fund wrapped up in this! Please, dear readers, my little ones need their education and I need to make back my investment. I have a couple of proposals...

One, we reschedule for August when the 7th does fall on a Wednesday.

Two, we have two events. One on Wednesday and one on the 7th, Thursday. Then you can purchase a shirt to show you believe in the cause so much you showed up TWICE!

Three, someone sets up a gofundme campaign so I can recover my investment. I’d do this myself but setting up your own gofundme seems selfish and desperate.

I think we should all get behind choice number one and just reschedule. The weather is better in August and we won’t have to bring tarps to keep our sandwiches dry.

So can I put you down as bringing some beverages?

So a staged walkout? You work for a company that pays 90% of your insurance costs, provides food and drinks and a great office! I would guess, you make a decent living otherwise you would have left the company.

There have been market changes that no one expected, accelerated transition to SaaS, which impacts profit, a congested SD-WAN market and honestly, some growing pains like many other tech companies experience. While your passion is without question, my concern is your focus. You have two options, move on and find another job, or focus and do the best job you can do for the company.

A walkout is insulting to people that have walked out of companies that are abusing employees and their rights. The employees struggle with unsafe conditions, poor work environments and abusive management.

Riverbed is not deserving of a walkout!!!

Your suggested walkout should be replaced with a rally. Rally for the company that has supported many families including your family. Bring people together to learn how to win as a team vs bring people together to complain and revolt. Rally for Riverbed could be a positive.

There was once an advertising company that lost their largest account. The advertising company physically drove every one of their employees to the customer's HQ and sang the companies theme song to show support and care for their largest customer. This was a rally, a rally to show the customer that the advertising company cared and wanted to earn their business.

My point? Be positive and we can achieve anything. Be negative and divisive and your no better then the politicians in DC.

Change can start with a rally for Riverbed. Put your time and energy into positive change.

Ignore the imposter “JK”, there will be no for profit selling motives here. Trying to make a mockery of the movement.

I’ll see all of you @ HIGHNOON WEDNESDAY

No, YOU’RE MEAN!

YOU MEAN YOU’RE

your a heirloom tomatoe

I have been told by many many people thet they do not have orange clothing because Riverbed has STOPPED providing them with high quality garments!

I will be selling a custom designed commemorative tshirt at the event. I will be selling this at COST. I WILL NOT MAKE A PROFIT OFF OF THE OCCASION. This will be a high class, heirloom quality orange beefyT with a tasteful design.

Mens and womens sizes will be available

SALT AND PEPPER!!!!!!’

PERFECT! Now it is a REAL MOVEMENT! @AK has volunteered to do catering. Please remember our vegetarian, gluten free, and lactose intolerant comrades. This might get expensive with the SHEER SIZE OF THE CROWD that will be arriving so we will need a few more volunteers. I can bring tables and grab some forks and napkins from the breakroom but if it is raining we will also need tarps to keep our sandwiches dry.

Please sign up on here and let us know what you will bring to the party.

We will need:

tables (me)

forks (me)

napkins (me)

tarps

garbage bags

juice boxes

cutting board

bread knife

serving trays

soup spoons

table cloths

chairs

lots of toothpicks for an assortment of cheeses

chocolate fountain (just one this time)

bread

anchovies

stew or soup

meat dish

vegetable dish

non dairy creamer

dairy creamer

butter

toaster

blender

microwave

extension cords

Who has server experience?

THIS IS OUR TIME TO SHINE!

I’ll be there at 12:15. Will pick lunch first.

Will there be toilet paper?

To my riverbed family. As I sit here on this Friday afternoon, looking out the window, there’s an uneasy calm overhead- a true storm on the horizon, some would say. And let me tell you, it isn’t just this area of low pressure from the Alaskan gulf bringing these cool temps and rain to the Bay Area. No, I think I’ve got a feeling of a bigger storm. A storm the likes of us have not seen in quite some time.

I know some of you are feeling the same and deep down we all know it’s regarding the storm that’sh--ting WEDNESDAY AT HIGHNOON. There seems to be a break in the forecast with sun predicted midday. LET ME TELL YOU RIGHT NOW MY RIVERBED FAMILIA, LIGHT WILL BE SHINING DOWN ON US GUIDING OUR WAY AS WE LET EVERYONE KNOW JUST HOW POWERFUL THE #RIVERBEDFAMILIA TRULY IS.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll have to be on this thread today but I assure you I will provide updates over the weekend as our date of destiny nears.

Here’s what we can do in the mean time...

1. Wear orange on Wednesday, it can be riverbed branded or anything you want but we must show unity and nothing screams solidarity like a true color coordinated movement

2. For those of you bringing signs, and believe me, quite a few of us are, please keep in respectful and meaningful. Negative language doesn’t move the needle- an empowered message PREACHING our movement does.

3. I will be passing out pins to wear that will say #BRINGJERRYHOME and #RIVERBEDFAMILIA. Supplies are limited so I will be delivering these to those whonrequest it Tuesday afernoon. Any leftover supplies will be handed out on Wednesday

4. Be ready to bring your singing voice and PASSION. I have a few songs lined up to inspire unity and solidarity, you don’t have to join but NOTHING sounds better and carries more weight than a group of beautiful voices IN UNISON hitting every high note with the highest of highs and low baritones with the lowest of lows.

5. There will be an open mic towards the tail end for anyone who wishes to tell a favorite story or give their own thoughts. This is a no judgment space, all are welcome!

Until next time....

I’ll bring my Tesla and Elon Musk. Tim Cook will Bw tagging along.

You know what I find comical “goawayriverbedtrolls”? Call me a 7 year old all you want, yet here you are mucking it up in the mud with me. YOU’VE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE MOVEMENT AND NOW YOU’RE S---ED IN. ILL SEE YOU WEDNESDAY AT NOON!

If you don’t want to join my cause then bring your own contingent, we’ll have a nice little rap battle or dance off to settle who wins

#BRINGJERRYHOME

Wow, clearly the force is strong in this movement. Love it.

While there aren’t any plans, YET, for beers after I say let’s congregate a bit, then hits the bars starting at 1.

And to the poster telling me to find a new job, why would I jump ship like this? I LIVE BY THE MOTTO NO MAN LEFT BEHIND. It’s whats gotten me to where I am now after 43 years on this cold cold earth.

SPREAD THE WORD MY FRIENDS. Whether via the force, johnny manziel exes, or a random person you pass on the streets.

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 7TH HIGHNOON

#BRINGJERRYHOME

Riverbed is a company, not a person or object. If you need care and attention, talk toy our manager or seek (paid) counseling because there isn't a free counselor out there that wants to listen to whining - that is unless you're 7 years old or have the mental capacity of a 7 year old.

Riverbed stopped giving 2 sh--s about its people a long time ago before TB. Think about the inequality of everything: pay, bounses, budget, promotions, leadership appointments. The culture is sh--.. stay to make money off of sale, if anything. Everyone else is, then leadership will retire.

IamGroot

Have you ever thought about just getting a job at a different company? May solve a lot of your issues.

If there beers and a party after, I'll be there!

Too, shall Go I .. Go, Vader no!

HULK GO TOO!

I shall attend this get together and I will bring the other, smaller and neglected sea creatures as well