All right folks, in the spirit of the Holidays let’s see who has the best oracle cloud fraud jingle
20 replies (most recent on top)
Just bumping up
I stand in awe. Well done, everyone!
Jingle of the century @WDHqZRq-2elx, based on a true story.
True that ...
I'd like to offer a Minor correction, anyone care to have a pro sing this, and perhaps set this wonderful song to music... I'm sure it would be a hit at AWS.
Dashing down the stock exchange
In our dead-horse burning sleigh
while AWS is on the go,
laughing all the way (ho ho ho)
Stock bells on Amazon ring
Makes LE wanna fight
MH and Catz busy cooking the books
What fun it is to ride and sing a truthful song tonight
Jingle bells, MH smells
LE laid an egg
The Oracle mobile lost its wheels
and TK got away
Jingle of the century @WDHqZRq-2elx, based on a true story.
Dashing down the stock exchange
In our dead-horse burning sleigh
while AWS is on the go,
laughing all the way
Stock bells on Amazon ring
Makes LE wanna fight
MH and Catz cooking crooked books
What fun it is to ride and sing a truthful song tonight
Jingle bells, MH smells
LE laid an egg
Oracle lost its wheels
And TK got away
You’re a vile one, LE
You totally missed the cloud
You’ve run oracle into the ground
You’ ve laid off some 20,000 people, wasted $10s of Billions buying back stock
You hired MH, yak!
You’ re a nasty-wasty skunk
You’re heart is an empty hole
Your Brain is full of spiders, you’ve got garlic in your soul, LE
Stink, stank, stunk!
LE is way too old, he should have let oracle go,
He should have retired and hired ONE ceo,
But his ego is too big and his brain is too small,
And now oracle is going down the drain.
We have two CEOs, no one can tell you why;
They make a lot of money while sitting idly by;
The stock is going nowhere, we have no working cloud;
So I will now be honest and tell you thay both - the CEOs - S . U. C.K!
Our BoD is such a beautiful thing, made up of nobodies who don’t know anything;
The bonus plan is great, we made it up ourselves, and then we had the BoD give it the rubber stamp;
The cloud is all the rage, our truly s---s, but that’s not something the dumbos on the BoD are ever gonna catch;
Oracle is a wreck, needs a real CEO, but that would require a Board that really wants to know - the truth.
Earnings calls are fun, what a pack of lies, all the cloud revenues and customers we made up last night
Thousand here, thousand there, that is just a lie, we added three zeros to all the numbers
Cloud is booming here, cloud is booming there, it’s too bad the oracle cloud is the greatest bust on earth
SC makes the numbers, MH tells the lies, LE he leans back and purrs to see the share price rise
We just can believe it, I have to pinch myself, how easy it is to fool the analysts and all the shareholders
TK likes to cuss and call people names and he likes to change his mind at least ten times a day;
Work on this, no work on that,
no change to something else;
F to this and F to that in meeting every day;
Dev ops is a mess, let me tell you why, it’s all the inkaputs that TK put in charge:
They are not very good, in fact they are quite bad, and they sabotage each other so nobody gets ahead;
Fusion is pure junk, and now you know why, you just plain can’t write good code with TK in charge;
Oracle was good, now it is quite bad, and it doesn’t have a cloud which is very sad;
TK’s off to Google, which has me quite concerned, I have wo wonder whom he’ll F:k and what he’ll F-up over there.
q-ncv gets my vote. All are good, this just had me taping my toes and selling my stock
Benioff and Bezos and Harris and Gates;
Siebel and Allen and Sergie and Page;
But do you recall the most infamous tech mogul of all ?
LE the red dinesour never, ever has a cloud, he’s stuck in legacy with his on-prem buds;
Fusion is a piece of garbage, TK knows that very well, he just left for Google, leaving LE holding the bad (of turd);
To try to stay afloat, LE has to cook the books, but that is not a secret, so his goat is kinda cooked;
Seeing LE flail all over, the other moguls shout with glee, when the Feds cart you off to jail, we won’t miss you a bit, LE.
Layoff here, layoff there;
Get the old guys out;
They are too expensive and know we sell c-ap;
College kids we hire, by the buss load full;
We hire so many, there never is a lull;
The kids don’t stay for long, but they’re really cheap;
So just to be honest, we don’t give a sh--.
Outsource to Romania, yes it’s really cheap;
SC likes to go there, she thinks it’s a treat.
You say these are people;
We don’t really care;
As long as it earns us bonuses that we don’t have to share.
To the time of Three Kings
We three stooges of oracle;
Have turned cloud fraud to and art form;
HW, SW doesn’t matter;
We just make the # up.
[refrain]
Stat of fraud, stat of greed;
Stat with $ signs on it;
We make money in our sleep;
Cloud fraud makes us filthy rich.
Make up # is what I do;
I’m a lawyer and a banker too;
I have no scruples or morals too;
The $ is my guiding light.
[refrain]
A pack of lies to offer have I;
I have no scruples when I lie;
The bigger the better and more frequent too;
That is what people know I do.
[refrain]
The demise of oracle is a bitter perfume;
It was my baby and now it’s gone;
Just prop up the stock for as long as I live;
My life is now filled with utter failure.
[refrain]
What a disaster the cloud has been with the 3 stooges at the steering wheel.
Now it’s gone and not coming backs;
Time for everybody to pack.
Refrain
You get my vote!
EPS, eps got to buy back stock, because otherwise it’ll sink like a rock.
EPS, eps is our Holy Grail, have to keep on buying to keep LE out of jail (debtor’s prison, technically speaking).
EPS, eps, just like IBM, when you’re old and tired and no longer in the game.
Prop it up, prop it up, is all you can do, when your old and tired, say LE, ain’t that true.
Jingle Bells
M-H Tells
All the Teams to Lie
Our Cloud's a Joke
And We're Goin' Broke
But We Made TK the Fall Guy!
SC makes up numbers,
MH makes up sh--,
LE, he just grins and says, oracle’s such a hit,
Analyst applaud, what a bunch of gits
They don’t do their homework, so they don’t know sh--
Cloud fraud here, cloud fraud there, cloud fraud all around, oh how easy it now is to dress the numbers up.
Contract here, contract there, is all it really takes to make good old on-prem dollars to as cloud appear.
Legal’s such an elf, and finance is helpful too, but what really makes it easy is what the stooges do!