Thread regarding DXC Technology layoffs

Hey Gang

I know we have ducked you, skrewed you, and drank your blood to enjoy our lifes.

Even when you are begging for more pay to put groceries on the table I've told you we can't afford it, as we need to afford my and mine gangs overheads first.

Its all about culture. I'm in a gang, I'm into culture big yacths, cars, and Accenture friends.

I'm living the dream So you need to change your culture to poverty, low pay, and giving your pay to me.

I will make some small charity donations to justify my benefits, I have even done that Man U deal so i can look as a charitable person.

Ho-e B led you all down to believing that the merit was delayed when it wasn't going to be paid from day 1.

A-s ho-e barred is a good su---r, he can't be trusted, so good for using him to spin a story. I like how he screwed over Turps with a big knives.

As for town halls I'm scarred of doing one as me and Mary have run out of bull after 3 years.

We on track with the playbook, our funds are overflowing at the moment, thanks for your hard work and pay sacrifice donations gang.

Hey Gang

Got to do the earnings this week, I've spoken with the analysts so its all sorted. They know what to ask.

As for the quarter I wouldn't go spending any money as its not our pay raise quarter so the results will be accordingly.

I know its Christmas soon, cold, and lots of expense but your going to have to make cutbacks as I am enjoying life.

Ah well its going to be tough returning after a 8 month break, guess its only for 1 day.

Hey Gang

Mikey here, look I know there's talk of me going missing and not doing town halls. I'm semi retired now so want an easy life.

What I've done is told my yes people below to do the TH for me to try and duck questions on pay and give the standard answers that we're looking at the quarterly figures and will review. That review will never materialize.

I've also told them somebullshit about how we can't afford extra pay as we need to move into double digits margins. I know some of you clever ones have worked out my bull as neither Atos, Kyndryl or others even achieving anywhere near double digits level but they are paying their staff raises.

I like to bull, just set the bar very high so it's never going to be achievable and I can make sure you don't get a raise.

But my yes men believe what I'm saying so your hearing them relay that, I do like some ar-e lickers, they make my life very easy, except for that ho-e barred whose really a an-l li---r, he makes me cringe the amount of sucking he wants to do.

I'm using your pay for myself, my dearest Mary, and the gang. Thanks for taking a pay cut, and for subsidising our extraordinary lifestyles and experiences.

I know it's tough out there with inflation not coming down and won't for the next few years but if you make cutbacks in you family lives and to your loved ones, it will benefit us greatly.

It's not all bad you'll get your raises in 3 years.

Myself and Mary will be thinking of you always when we are traversing the oceans or in First Class.

The incorrect spelling of yacht is not nearly as bad as "your" (refer to the title of this thread) instead of "you're", "loose" instead of "lose", and other common terms spelled incorrectly so frequently.

Anyone noticed that many of the posts here include a misspelling of 'yacht'?
Someone has a real axe to grind and a lot of time on their hands.
Not that I disagree with much of the sentiment, just pointing out that it is suspicious.

Looks like Salvino and Truss are from the same school.

They Lie, do U turns, speak a load of bull.

Sc--w most people

Talk growth but deliver cuts

Nobody believes them

About to be chopped shortly

Come on Salvino, Truss make your leaving announcement quickly before you get the chop.

Hey Gang

Just to say I will be off shortly.

I'm sorry that I have f4cjked you, screwed you, and beaten you but it had to be done for the greater good.

I'm surprised you guys didn't put up much of a fight, even when in front of you I lied and gave you my word on merits and backtracked, decided to give the money to our gang instead.

I thought there would be another kick off as we have just cleared another quarter and no talk of raises.

I was dreading the outfall in current times of expenses.

Anyhow had to be done for me and my gang to afford all them luxuries.

Will be around for a bit but not long.

Don't know what's going to happen to my Mary and the gang afterwards.

As you have now discovered they are well past their use but I had to keep them sweet for all times sake. Mary just does some admin work but I managed to give her $5 million and she's very happy.

Vinny and co are retired just taking the money for big ticket items.

Going to blag some more bull to keep Wall Street happy in the meantime watch out for them rumours.

Hey Gang

Mikey here, you have to see my successes. If you look at the main KPIs I have achieved they are as follows:

Cut turnover by 50%

Added more layers of management before realising
We have too many

Recruited a whole by gone second team gang from Accenture

Raised the gangs wages year on year, not linked to any performance.

Made Mary my right hand woman on USD5 million

Come up with loads of buzzwords like Simply DXC, Size the market, ....

Reduced the share price by 40%

Havent paid any share dividends, but instead used all the share dividends on pay for my gang.

Stopped pay raises for staff even in a record year of inflation and paid them to my gang instead.

Become CEO and Chairman so reached the top and no one could stop me.

Shipped out loads if t shirts to keep staff motivated

Setup a your doing well rewards instead of pay raises

Setup some rumours about a buyout to keep staff hope that they be going to a better employer

Held 13 Wall Street sessions an managed to nod nod wink wink the analyst into asking the right questions even though the company has declined massively.

Told the analyst I'm giving raises when I'm not.

You see I'm hitting all my achievements

Hey gang MJs here

Phew Vinny nearly let the cat out of the bag earlier today below.

Well now its all official the plan on the transformation journey was always for me and the gang to transform money from the customers bank accounts to ours.

You lot all believed me when I strung you along when I joined. I used to hold lots of comms and town halls, all them slides about employees first ha ha. I knew you would give me a chance for a few years.

Atos came along unexpected with a big offer after a couple of years, I had only bagged $20million by then and I knew I could double my salary every year so I managed to talk the board and shareholders out of that one. There was no way I could do better, but they believed my pie in the sky ideas.

It's getting to the stage where you lot are working me out as a greedy bar steward who doesn't care about people. That was always going to happen between years 3 to 5 sometime. I can't face you anymore so you haven't heard from me in 8 months.

Im going to sell off the company, but look, its only going to sell if me and the gang get $150 million in our banks. We don't give a site about shareholders or you lot. If the bidders do a deal with me I will blag the board.

Lol don't forget I managed to promote myself to chairman and ceo so I am the board, how do you think I managed to get past everyone on that. I have full control.

I'm going to see my Mary is going to be rewarded handsomely in this deal. Vinny and the rest of the gang will also get some as our gang need the money. I'm not sure what I will do with brown nose chris ho-e barred.

You've seen that we're busy buying yatchs, houses, and sports cars so we need the money.

As for you paupers you can keep worrying about food and heating, this time next year we will be billionaires.....

Keep looking on this thread for the latest updates.

Hey Gang

Vin here, aka Bagel, Croissant or whatever who cares when you milking on $5 million.

Same story as Mary was working doing very little and a couple of years ago my ex friend from Accenture rang asking if I wanted to join a get quick rich scheme. How can you refuse.

My dream came true, 5 million bucks year for doing very little, where can you get that type of money???

I was always known as a cutter not a carer so I chopped loads in delivery, basically put a ho-e in the sinking ship and screwed the workers over.

Then had to justify my upkeep longer so moved in to cloud. Invented the buzzword cloud right to make it look like I had come up with something.

I guess no one knows what cloud right means, or what I do. Could have called it cloud left or cloud up or dxc cloud or ....

Proof is that we're not winning anything but makes no difference to me, I still get my $5million a year.

You lot are getting the sharp end of the stick with the pay cut. We are not even performance based, the company could make a huge loss but we're not effected.

The only impact is this stock market correction has taken a bit of a hit on sale of my shares but Mike has been trying hard with selling them takeover stories which stabilises the price. His come up with a couple so far.

Dont know what to do with the money , Off to see a big mansion/ranch.. keep up the good works peeps I need more of this free money.

Hi Gang

Mary here, I was working as a HR lady a couple of years ago when my ex friend from Accenture rang asking if I wanted to join a get quick rich scheme. At the time I thought he had a soft spot a dream possibly.

But here I am a VP still doing admin paperwork but on $5 million now.

You know what they say one day your dream will come true or you will win the lottery and I have.

Sitting pretty with $10million in the bank its a nice feeling.

Just had to go on a few town halls and say a few words to make it look like I'm putting a hr appraisal and career plan for the workers.

They fell for it, 2 years on I've managed to deliver 0 and delayed the raises one year and scrap them the next, even though we blagged about "merit schemes" we were just pulling your leg.

Ah well off to do some shopping, the interest on that $10 million will keep me shopping for the rest of my life, thanks folks keep up the efforts to keep me at the top.

I'm sure we will give your raises, actually we posted them out, hope you revieve them.....

I'm living the dream, mez

Why all the talk on yatch's, there is no published report that our CEO purchased a yatch!

#sarcasm

Last week we told you we had some advisors about a takeover, this week we have leaked Kkr.

We didn't realise Wall Street, shareholders, and all you lot are so gullible.

I can get a $7million pay raise and no one can blink an eyelid.

At the same time we can stop all you lot getting a cent extra by just saying no money, and no one can challenge us on what we took, ha ha.

We could literally take $20 million extra and get away with it.

You keep worrying over your food and heating, we have larger yatch, villa, and holiday expenses to worry over.

Off to see my investment banker, he says I've got $60 million spare floating in my account and should buy some shares in the current fall.

How you lot don't have to worry about such things.

All that sailing must be quite a oar deal for you! :-)