Thread regarding Schlumberger Ltd. layoffs

When I worked for SLB I figure at least 75% of my observations were completely made up just to fill a quota. I pretty much had a file of fake observations ready to go and would copy / paste them periodically throughout the year to hit my target. I would also go through observations in other regions to "steal" a few for future use.

Cqgq+18m5D6BH, post from shafted workshop hero

The pure stupidity of the reports are worse than ever, mainly due to the working from home heroes.it’s worth taking some time out your busy days to read them for the comedy value. Ranging from positive feedback for going running, ordering your shopping online so you don’t catch COVID to waking up 15 minutes early to able to defrost your car before leaving for.......this one was actually commended in a monthly business update.

As a former employee and someone who 'reviewed' RIR's... you would not believe the BS jokes that get entered. The only ones that mattered were the actually injuries.. all the others are just BS that got closed without review.

My office had 500 employees with everybody entering 12+ each... Execs required to do way more. It's impossible to keep up with and is incredibly diluted with 'check the box stories'...

Complete joke of a system.

they need a creativity award!

I don't work for SLB any more but for me it was always an exercise in creativity somewhere towards the end of December. You had to sit down and come up with whatever number you needed of stupid and repetitive stories, that COULD HAVE happened and no one can prove they didn't.

My cell leadman get promoted, because he alway have 20 or more rir per month for 5 years. I admit he good at it, but the skill he has is a joke. But the ge is set like that. More rir, mote credit, more salary, more retire package. Dont u want that.

I totally agree that over emphasizing and mandating of quotas for Risk Identification Reports (RIR) is a sign of mindless management objective setting. Yes, if you observe something that is a risk you should report it. But to enforce RIR quotas for every employee leads as the OP said to ridiculous reports and employee indifference. Not to mention the thousands of man years wasted each year across the company. Upper management needs to pull the plug on enforced RIR quotas ASAP.

Does fabricating something to send somebody to jail count. This is during height of corona virus. I think hot coffee is of high-value RIR than somebody's life and family.

Stone age mangemnet and their stooges.

"There are countless other examples - SWIs, GJMC, Exemptions, HARC, SCATs, actually anything in Quest, anything to do with ROFO, C4C, Transformation, NWW, Engage2Excel, the list goes on and on. Good ideas ruined by cancer culture that discourages speaking up with common sense."

Although I no longer employed by your copycat competitor, there may be some things on your list that Halliburton has not yet 'borrowed", since Halliburton was a great follower, when it came to generating LOTS of required, and utterly useless paperwork.

BTW, SCAT is a rather kinky perversion.

@6lkd+18m5D6BH only if under the age of 10. Lol

Do we have to file RIRs while at home?... with children at home, it is pretty easy to come up with 10 RIRs a day... :-)

The O/I thing is actually a perfect representation of the cancer within this company. Something that starts as a good idea only to be taken to the extreme by mindless managers concerned only with towing the line and maximizing their PIP. Everyone knows not to speak up or you’ll be gone.

There are countless other examples - SWIs, GJMC, Exemptions, HARC, SCATs, actually anything in Quest, anything to do with ROFO, C4C, Transformation, NWW, Engage2Excel, the list goes on and on. Good ideas ruined by cancer culture that discourages speaking up with common sense.

Oh my gosh... I created 20 observations this year saying that people need to be careful with Squirrels because they can be rabid... Beat the quota using ctrl+c & ctrl+v
No one bothered me a bit...
This company is so fooking ridiculous...

ALL of mine have been 100% fabricated for years. Some times I push the limit on stupidity just to see if anyone notices. Nobody looks at them at FMPC. If they do they don’t care. My guess is that this BS somehow relates to a smaller insurance cost for SLB. But hey as long as my supervisor is gettting his PIP he doesn’t care how stupid they are.

When I was at Stonehouse the target.... yes target, was a minimum of one RIR/OI per person, per week.... 52 per year or they had the threat that their bonus would suffer. The number of suggestions and SQs were almost non-existent as there was no financial gain from entering them or financial loss for not entering them. A lot of the RIRs need to be read to be believed for their sheer creativity and jaw-dropping insanity.

This rir thing is good at certain point. But think about it, each person at least 3 rir per year, one location have about 100 person. I think the whole building about to collaspe. And they want it per month. Should we just close out that location???

Best one I've read was someone slipped on a sweet tart!

It's more about "plausible deniability". When some overworked, undertrained person who is actually doing work gets pressured into an accident; they point to the "safety reports" and say "See how much we are trying to be safe? See how much we care?"

Safety reports cost a lot less than actual safety.

"They don't report ..they don't care..they are tired of this stupid system ..but they are supporting the system in their regular speech because they are good s—er and 'career first'"

I don't think that they are "tired of this stupid system", most likely they treat it as a game where they can reinvent the requirements any time they want, which means they can also "up" the punishment for not fulfilling the 'new' mandates. Management undoubtedly sees who can come up with the most ridiculous 'reporting' requirement, passes it on to HR for implementation, then watch and see how the 'serfs' react.
It's all about control. (Like putting a frog in a pot of boiling water, vs putting the frog in a pot of cold water and then gradually increasing the heat)

Haver you ever seen the number of RIR- O/I submitted by managers that live in their golden tower ? what a joke!...Total number is far from HSE Obj .... They don't report ..they don't care..they are tired of this stupid system ..but they are supporting the system in their regular speech because they are good s—er and 'career first' ......Leading by exemple ! Bullsh-t......and for those managers that report like the good soldier 90% of reporting is just cr-p...

LMFAO. As a laid off former "office person", I concur. But it's not exactly a secret that most OIs/RIRs submitted by office staff are either lame things related to breakroom coffee machines, dumb sh– their kids do at home, observations of other motorists who drive like mental patients, or works of pure fiction made up to keep the target off one's back. But I did what had to be done so the top of the HSE totem pole got their PIP. #teamwork

Double amen... The most useless, non-job providing waste of time at Schlumberger. Some of the RIRs are simply epic.

Amen brother