this is hilarious from one of those on how to get laid off:
-Drop your quality of work, efficiency, and motivation levels....drop them to the floor.
-When questioned about it, act totally oblivious to the situation.
-If you poses important pertinent info....Leverage it
-Forget everything you know about being politically correct
Since you are an above average employee, you certainly must know more than your piers...if management doesn't already know that you possess sensitive info, come up with indirect ways of making them aware. colab with other teams to gain even more sensitive info...put it on display to mgmt
-if you don't have one already...work on developing a sense of humor dryer than the mojave,
do not be afraid to use this sense of humor during important meetings, one on ones with your boss, your coworkers, the janitors, HR, everyone you encounter
Say things to upper mgmt that have double meanings/ or things that can be interpreted in various ways... EX:
Manager: "Good morning Jim! How are you?"
Jim: "Morning!" "Doing alright how about yourself?"
Manager: "Oh just hangin in there!"
Jim: "Ya?" "I bet you are..."
Jim Walks away chuckling
EX:
Stop by your direct supervisor's supervisor' office and ask (with a smirk on your face) ----
" Hey!...You gonna do anything today?
"You gonna be a contributing member of society today?"
They will share the mishap with your boss...
Once confronted by your supervisor, you have 2 options....
1 DENY DENY DENY
2 Tell your supervisor: " Ya I was effing with him this morning" " He takes it right up the butt! ... it's HILARIOUS"
Whatever one you choose...stick to it like super glue...this is KEY
-Is there a hottie in the office you usually dont talk to? This is a surefire win win... dont come on too strong...BUT:
MALE EX:
1 Tell her she is killing that dress as she passes by... make sure your eyes are scanning her up and down and that she notices this.
Persistence is Key here... This is a win win because They may complain to HR...if They dont and are totally intrigued...Then its still a win because you too are now canoodling at a nearby motel at lunch
Female EX:
Laser in on Richards crotch in those tight slacks as he gets coffee, and give him a wink as you say hello.
You must be willing to go the full nine here....especially if you are considered a hottie by the boys in the office.
These are a few ways to kick start your path to getting the package you want.
Remember:
1 Go big or go home
2 There are no such things as feelings
3 Have fun with it!