I want to leave this sorry mess of a company but how can i do this and still get the financial package?
I will leave too much money on the table if I just go and I am a very high performer that they don't want to lay me off. Surely some people here must know how to navigate this tricky situation and share with me their tips of a profitable exit from hell?
Thanks
-Drop your quality of work, efficiency, and motivation levels....drop them to the floor.
-When questioned about it, act totally oblivious to the situation.
-If you poses important pertinent info....Leverage it
-Forget everything you know about being politically correct
-if you don't have one already...work on developing a sense of humor dryer than the mojave,
do not be afraid to use this sense of humor during important meetings, one on ones with your boss, your coworkers, the janitors, HR, everyone you encounter
Manager: "Good morning Jim! How are you?"
Jim: "Morning!" "Doing alright how about yourself?"
Manager: "Oh just hangin in there!"
Jim: "Ya?" "I bet you are..."
Jim Walks away chuckling
EX:
Stop by your direct supervisor's supervisor' office and ask (with a smirk on your face) ----
" Hey!...You gonna do anything today?
"You gonna be a contributing member of society today?"
They will share the mishap with your boss...
Once confronted by your supervisor, you have 2 options....
1 DENY DENY DENY
2 Tell your supervisor: " Ya I was effing with him this morning" " He takes it right up the butt! ... it's HILARIOUS"
Whatever one you choose...stick to it like super glue...this is KEY
-Is there a hottie in the office you usually dont talk to? This is a surefire win win... dont come on too strong...BUT:
MALE EX:
1 Tell her she is killing that dress as she passes by... make sure your eyes are scanning her up and down and that she notices this.
Persistence is Key here... This is a win win because They may complain to HR...if They dont and are totally intrigued...Then its still a win because you too are now canoodling at a nearby motel at lunch
Female EX:
Laser in on Richards crotch in those tight slacks as he gets coffee, and give him a wink as you say hello.
You must be willing to go the full nine here....especially if you are considered a hottie by the boys in the office.
These are a few ways to kick start your path to getting the package you want.
Remember:
1 Go big or go home
2 There are no such things as feelings
3 Have fun with it!
After this case ,slb hr will include it to slb fun book for next lay off
Start commenting on hub transformation success stories without a hint of bumlicking praise, just tell it like it is. Point out that it's all buzzwords and drivel and you'll be the very next person out the door.
Tell them.....
It is very simple and it will make your bosses cut list much easier. Tell your boss verbally no email, "hey if you need a name to cut you can add myself"
You will be doing yourself a favour as you want out, once you decide to move on it is hard to perform at you super high pot levels.
You will do your boss a favour as an easy one to cut is the good performer, high grade who told they wanted released, nobody will argue
You will do those who still need a job to live a favour as one less person for your bosses list.
Sadly u wont get what you are looking for there are no more sweet exits, They laid me down on Tuesday giving me zero years service just a 3 month exit package and marched me out. People mean nothing to SLB its ALL about profits and keeping the investors happy. Move on bite the bullet and never look back.... The SLB we all knew has gone forever it will NEVER return
Or just ask
1rus, the no compete language when you are a laid off person and are not a high level executive is scare tactic BS and been thrown out of court. Most people aren't getting golden parachute level packages and it is not reasonable or legal for them to keep you out of work. As long as you are not stupid in how you do things, you can get another job in the oilfield. It's done all the time.
on a nice day just take off your pants at the office
if you leave with the package you will have to sign the non compete agreement for you can forget getting another job in the oilfield for two years. Is it really worth taking the package?
If you are a real high performer, and survive the massive lay off. You should be fine. Unless you are fake paper performer. If you want to take that package you can tell hr you need salary increment. I promise you will be in win_win situation. Nothing to loose
My 5 tips below are tried and tested formula in the field and worked perfectly for me. It took around 10 months to get the results I was looking for and the separation package. You could do it quicker but you may find you get fired without any package.
ignore most of Nm8Km05-bgp 's advice. There are plenty of late to start, early to leave SLB employees who have as much chance of getting fired as Kipsgaard giving up his bonuses or resigning. Visit SDR to witness many examples. Criticizing or questioning authority is 1 advice that probably will work - particularly if you question some incompetent action by a manager in a group setting. Dropping work standards and quality is more likely to get you a bonus than get you fired. Complaining to HR will also get you an award. A more intelligent approach is to get somebody to complain about you to HR. This is very easy to accomplish and shouldnt require much imagination. The difference between getting fired for cause or separated with a package will depend on whether you possess valuable information.