Let’s start by saying the quiet part out loud: most of the “agile leadership” still hanging around the bank looks like the clearance rack of corporate transformation. Folks who washed out of Best Buy and Target and couldn’t quite stick the landing anywhere else in the Fortune 500. You could cut half the agile coaches and performative agile leaders tomorrow and the only noticeable impact would be fewer meetings about meetings.
The latest org changes just reinforce that reality. A digital leader casually floated the idea that there was “opportunity” to rotate product and agile assignments across teams. Translation: since we can’t actually promote or develop people, let’s blow up stable teams instead and call it growth. Why not inject a little chaos, instability, and work/life imbalance for fun?
Naturally, instead of agile leadership doing their actual jobs, like explaining why this is a spectacularly bad idea and gently escorting that leader away from the cliff, they went all in.
Scrum Masters got shuffled around, including ones who were deeply embedded with teams that existed long before said leaders showed up. And, of course, everyone was told to keep quarterly planning on track, maintain team performance, and execute rushed handoffs at the same time. Because nothing says “agile maturity” quite like lighting the house on fire and asking everyone to keep dinner warm.
And let’s not forget the timing. This brilliant idea was floating around before ICE went full dystopian cosplay in local communities - storming around, kidnapping children, pepper spraying grandma on her way to target, and generally reminding everyone that the world is already on edge. Against that backdrop, I have to hand it to our failed agile leaders for truly impeccable coordination: announcing these changes while simultaneously rolling out layoffs. Chef’s kiss.
Nothing reassures employees quite like organizational chaos paired with “by the way, your job might disappear.” Thank you so very much for letting me keep this absolutely fantastic job, at least for now.
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