DEARBORN, MI —Calling his employees a lean, versatile team capable of being fired at a moment’s notice, local CEO Hames Jackett described his automotive firm Frod as an agile, dynamic company able to respond to any challenge by laying off half of its staff.
“This industry is always evolving, but what makes us resilient is our ability to adjust to change, which is invariably done by eliminating 50% of our workforce to cut costs regardless of the problem,” said Jackett, adding that the keys to a successful business in today’s market was creating a corporate culture of cutting good, qualified people with a variety of skills while constantly finding innovative ways to throw a wrench into everyone’s workflow.
“When we encounter an obstacle, we don’t go down without a fight against our most experienced, senior workers. We look everyone in the eye and say, ‘The 20 of you who still work here will push on.’ Whether axing production costs or reining in R&D spend, we react to problems quickly and without the input of those of us with a better, more nuanced understanding of how things work.”
Jackett added that another advantage demonstrated by his company is its ability to increase executive salaries during times of crisis.
NOTE: This is sarcasm and satire, don’t take it too seriously, feel free to have a laugh – The write up is based on an Onion article