Can anyone tell from recent transcript how we are doing for the long haul? Success? Layoffs? Growth? Decline?
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When are the layoffs? Are we closing the Spring office? Something smells rotten and no I am not talking about those posts about plunger playoffs. They are funny posts but seriously we have real issues here.
PS. Checked other boards and why is our leadership given so much potty satire? Perhaps cause it’s a reflection of their lack of leadership?!
Hahaha. Funny about protest at water wall. Let’s do it cause the food at the Market is like OMG gross.
Heard another oil and gas company is moving into our office. OMG is it true?
Asking for a friend!!!!!!!!!
Hey guys! Please join me and other activist colleagues by the water wall this morning to protest the chef and his unwillingness to remove the breakfast egg frittata from the menu. This has singlehandedly caused folks to quit due to health concerns from building air quality.
Grab a sign and come join us in peaceful protest, outside where the air is fresh!
I kid you not. Just rode the elevator with two housekeeping staff going to “clean/odorize” 5 men’s restroom. No joke!
Oh no! The chef is serving up Silly’s fav, the famous breakfast egg frittata! Word for the wise - steer clear of the 5th floor men’s room about 7:45! No imposters necessary!
In response to -dima.... Word!
Howdy ya’ll CC here. Me and JB (mr cheesy British wannabe) is dang tired of Chief Plunger Officer CPO WJW getting all the glory for them there clogged executive toilets. We done did are fair share too. Yeehaw!
We is asking all the R2 to help us do a them their office building wide toilet clog-o-Thon
We is working with the Market to get some garlic infused whey gluten free (with organic parsley potatoes) chicken fried steak so that we all can show that their CPO we too can clog the lou
Will join cheesy glasses JB and me to get er done I mean clog er up.
Yeehaw.
I read these threads cause some of them are down right funny. But truth is some are not that far off. Take for example, the satire about our CEO aka Silly Billy clogging toilets. Well I can attest that there is some truth about his bowel skills cause he crushed it this AM. While I don’t think he clogged the toilet and no I did not look in the stall but man he left the most nauseous odor. How do I know it was him? He walked out and I walked into the restroom and there was no other person in there. Could have only been him. What does that guy eat? I almost gagged but turned around and went to another restroom. That is all.
You ask about the long haul...growth, decline, layoffs, etc? The long haul speaks for itself. Look at the history the last few years. Any growth? NO. Layoffs?? YES. Stock prices STILL declining? YES G
Exec in PA looking at office space. Announcement pending later this week?
I already confirmed we are moving. An exec has a ranch near Conway AR and has had enough off commuting by jet, wants to try a helicopter.
Can someone confirm if we are or are not moving HQ? Please and Thank You!
Yeah, i heard the complainers. If i hear any more complaining, I’ll instantly turn you into a “Retired Energy Executive” with only 20 LinkedIn connections and a white receding hairline that looks nothing like the picture you took for your badge your first day in my Kingdom!
The other BOD members and I will quickly decide on some new “acceptable use” policies for my 5th floor throne! I know we also need to solve the stock tanking problem too, but obviously it will have to wait!
The king of the throne has spoken!
-Silly Billy
Sent from my iThrone
Overheard CC complaining about the men’s restroom odor. CC thinks it is a health issue after JB is done. Said it’s something about the way JB smirks with those goofy glasses post plunger use. Must be slow in the c-suite
Why would we move our HQ to Conway? Did Flywheel buy us? Will they relocate staff to Conway or will there be layoffs?
Silly Billy is running out of salaries to funnel into his paycheck. He wants to drastically downsize HQ so he can and another million or so to his pay.
I can confirm, we are relocating office to Conway AR.
Can anyone confirm HQ move?
Not one of my finer moments, folks! I decided to pop my head into one my teams technical meetings. I got a little defensive when a young engineer was discussing the PVI of plunger lift installations. Of course, thought he was referring to my 5th floor golden throne and replacing my sacred silver plated industrial plunger, and I fired him on the spot! (Another paycheck rolled into my bonus package, so not all bad!). Guess I better start to learn something about this company. We make widgets, right?
-billy silly
Sent from my throne
Folks. Brace Yourself. Big News. Layoffs? HQ Move? Both?
Yes, I’m very proud of such an honor. Re-engineered, re-energized and refocused - on laying you off and funneling your former salary into my paycheck. Eat your hearts out median employees! I make 64 times what you lowly hired helpers make, and I did it all while facilitating the stock tanking to record lows! Talk about innovation! Yeah, speaking of tanks, my new car allowance is being upped too, so expect some pay decreases in the near future! Sending one to the POTW now! Did the lights just flicker? Keep your hands off my plunger. I’ve already had to slap CC’s hands this morning! -SB
Seen a notice was given....layoffs??
Nope. Local Springwood Village POTW has asked our Chief Plunger Officer aka Silly Billy to provide funds to upgrade their plant. His daily ritual or rituals overload the system. Heard our CPO bragging about that notice in the lobby. He said unless they name the POTW as the Silly Billy Innovation Plaza (cause hey we are all about innovation) they can stick that notice up his plunger.
$500,000 in turd water savings in WV.........
As long as the stock price stays at $1.30 or above (SWN PVI target), the future will be fine.
Sounds like this quarterly call made a “big splash”. Hehehe....
Silly Billy, Southwestern Energy Company - President, CEO & Chief Plunger
Thank you for reading this. Good morning, everybody and hope you enjoy! Thanks for joining me as I story tell about how awesome I am and for those that just cleared out of the 5th floor restroom.
I powered into the restroom today refocused, reengineered and reenergized (pretty cool how I used words
Starting with “re” right?! Genius business school tactics) as a leading Spring TX based leader in liquids, unnatural gas and yes I dare say solids player continuing to achieve the strategic commitments i made since the last time I was here on my throne.
My people I am in alignment with returns and value-driven solids which have delivered another strong odor and successful use of a plunger and successful start to my morning
I am as I share this well down the path of consistently delivering on every commitment and with repeatable results. Just ask the housekeeping or dedicated plunger staff about these flow from an increasing capital efficiency and disciplined capital allocation.
My operational execution from the porcelain throne continues to be a core driver of my performance from longer laterals (sorry bad visual) to shorter cycle times, from higher production (thanks to the fine food in the Market) to lower cost, i have some impressive results to share with you, housekeeping and plunger crew today.