Thread regarding Windstream Corp. layoffs

Thank you "Mr. CEO"...sleep tight since I know you have a big day tomorrow slaughtering more of our boars and sows. I'll be right here waiting on my execution...

Dude, you have to throw in a reference to Ole Mexican Foods. that is literally all over the WIN LinkedIn page and is what all the drones are sharing. Come on! I fekkin' swear these guys are acting like they never had a satisfied customer before.

/would unfollow win on LI but can't because it's like watching an oversize truck barreling towards a low bridge

//Ole!!

///slashies

Wednesday, 2/14/18. CEO to Board: “Big day. We are re-branding the company today. The growth part of the company is now called WE and everything else is called WE-LESS. And the best part is that we inked a deal with the University of Arkansas as the Official Sponsor of their famous cheer, and they are changing it to Woooo. Pig SouWE! So, now 75,000 rabid fans will be cheering for us at every home game.” Board member: “I like it! Nintendo had great long-term success with the Wii name and so can WE..get it, WE..?”

My wiretapped listening device is acting up today or things are just eerily quiet at HQ. I do keep hearing the same word, which makes sense coming from a group with sizeable egos. Not sure what it means but more to come if things liven up.

Tuesday, 2/13/18. CEO to Marketing Chief: “I read where Amazon is starting their own home delivery and it really jump-started their stock price. Since my primary job is to create shareholder value, can we do something similar?” MC: “Sure thing. I have researched this already and we can start using drones to deliver e-mails to our customers in rural Texas and Georgia. That approach should be faster than our current service, which will make for a stickier customer.” CEO: “Brilliant idea! That should move our stock price by a nickel or maybe even a dime.”

Yes! FINALLY management that gets it. I'm not sure if I can contain myself until your Tuesday inspiration!!!

Monday, 2/12/18. CFO to the SVP of the Department after Process Improvements, Methods, Procedures : “Hey you, call your friends in Mumbai and tell them we need to shave another 14 minutes and 7 seconds off the order entry intervals. By my algorithmic calculations utilizing the latest in pivot tables over the weekend, I have determined that this reduction will save us from bankruptcy in 2018.” SVP: “Ok but you realize that orders are only taking an average of 8 minutes and 38 seconds now?” CFO: “I keep telling you! You can't look at averages! The only important metric is the square root of the median multiplied by the cosine of the radius of the AT&T Death Star logo!”

This thread is awesome. Just keep it under the site rules (no personally identifiable info and personal insults), would hate to see it got nuked.

Man, this is awesome b/c its basically true & it makes me feel good to have a laugh about something that scares that sh7 out of me (will I have a job tomorrow? next week? next month?).

Here is some reality boys: $1.35 per share in after hours trading. Next stop $1.00, delist and bankruptcy. 👋🏻 Tony Baloney 🙏🏻

I AGREE .. KEEP THIS GOING WEEKLY PLEASE. IN FACT I HAVE A SUGGESTED NAME FOR THE WEEKLY REPORT >>> THAT'S THE WAY THE WIN BLOWS - A WEEKLY PLAY BY PLAY. <<<

Pls keep this going each week. Pls someone make Dilbert style cartoon and get it viral. Call them Tonies instead of Dilberts. Pls say yes?

Lol...sounds about right don’t forget we need a few more project managers to keep everyone on track!

Friday: CEO to CFO: "Call your brother and see if we can borrow a few dollars from Uniti to pay down some debt. I want Wall Street to feel good about us on the earnings call. And oh, by the way, cut another five percent of the workforce next Thursday." CFO: "Will do, boss."

Thursday: CEO to the Head of Sales, "Stop selling PRIs through the agent channel in NYC!" Sales: "Ok but those NY agents hate VoIP and Hosted." CEO; "Then, let's rename UCaaS to Super Unified Communications as Special Services, and sell that to them." Sales Head: (to himself) "I will end up floating in the East River. That spells SUCaSS."

Wednesday: CEO to the ILEC President, "Shut off all of your capex and opex for ILEC broadband customers. Those hicks in the sticks only need 128Kbps for streaming." ILEC Prez: "ok, chief!"

Tuesday: CEO to Head of Marketing, "Let's immediately decommission MPLS , and convert all of the customers to SD-WAN since the margins are better." Marketing: "Ok but won't that be disruptive to our customers?" CEO: "I will take that risk. We need margins!"

Monday: CEO to the SVP of Access Management, "Call AT&T and Verizon and tell them we need another 25% discount off our Special Access circuits, or we will start cancelling them." SVP, "Ok, but which carriers can we use if we cancel them?" CEO: "Use Fixed Wireless, or DSL." (Eye roll from the SVP).

Monday: CEO to the SVP of Access Management, "Call AT "Then, let's rename UCaaS to Super Unified Communications as Special Services, and sell that to them." Sales Head: (to himself) "I will end up floating in the East River. That spells SUCaSS."

Friday: CEO to CFO: "Call your brother and see if we can borrow a few dollars from Uniti to pay down some debt. I want Wall Street to feel good about us on the earnings call. And oh, by the way, cut another five percent of the workforce next Thursday." CFO: "Will do, boss."