Ive been rifed for 10 months now, and I was one of the top performers on my team. When i was rifed, I thought "Oh well, Ill just find another job soon enough!" But I found my motivation and anxiety to just go up and down over each passing week. I lost count on how many applications ive submitted. I have a sense of self-loathing and hesitancy every time i submit an application.
Ive been fortunate to have some interviews here and there, but the fact remains that i still dont have a job yet. I hate that I am hopeful and optimistic after every interview- to have that optimistic hope dashed after tortuous weeks of waiting. I honestly think theres not enough jobs out there AND the application processes for many of these companies are meant to detract applicants (I know it doesnt make sense). I cant help but compare myself to other people, especially those who were able to get a job so quickly (or people around my age who are in more senior roles than i am or who didnt lose their jobs).
Even though I was a top performer, im questioning my experiences and skills. Anyone else feeling this?
Rhetorical questions: Why is it taking so long? Why dont i have a job yet? What is wrong with me?