Thread regarding Optum layoffs

a poem to Optum Leadership

Going to work used to be fun.
You could always find a laugh with someone.

We worked long and hard for our members.
I'm not sure if Leadership remembers.

For the special, for the elderly, for the parents, for the sick--
if you needed it done, we got it out quick.

Approvals and medicines and mental health care
were top of our minds--not the market cost of a share.

Call centers, doctors, analysts, ...unite!
We wanted to help them and together, we might.

But somewhere, things started to go wrong.
It was subtle--here and there--for so long.

It was always sad to lose someone you know.
But the company's success needed to grow.

Then things started to tilt and to shift and to sour.
It's hard to look on and not let yourself feel dour.

It seemed buying more companies was always 'swipe right'.
And despite all the profits, the budget got TIGHT.

But buying a broken company is problematic.
And the security breach was very dramatic.

Why update the software to something first-rate?
It's working for now and there's a lot on our plate.

So cross your fingers and hope for the best.
It probably won't be targeted to test.

Oh, it did? Well now we have to pay.
It's not like it will cost jobs, anyway.

Oh, it did? Well, it's important to to note
that we're all in this together--in the same boat.

"Yes, many were affected, but it's important we say
that it's a hard day for everyone today."

So despite the vast revenue that ends with a 'B'--
that's "billions", and yes, that's quarterly--

we'll fire thousands of people with a call not a letter
and we'll call them "affected" because it sounds better.

To the rest, who look like they su-ked on a lime,
we'll nod undersatndingly, and offer some time.

But then it's time to get in gear and back to work!
The workload's the same and there's nothing to shirk.

So what if your team of ten is now two?
It's not like you're bored and having nothing to do.

Hop to it! And be grateful for your perks.
We have no time to continue the waterworks.

We avoid burnout in our employees if we can,
but there's always Plan B, the contingency plan.

We'll announce a company-wide fireside chat.
We'll rouse up morale and that'll be that.

We'll wait a few months for the ire to fade.
And that's when the new round of "affected" will be made.

  • Anne Onymous, April 2024
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| 1336 views | | 9 replies (last September 21, 2024) | Reply
Post ID: @OP+1uvDatJK

9 replies (most recent on top)

Especially the “Fireside Chat” reference….so true as to how they do things!

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Post ID: @7ufq+1uvDatJK

Clever, but I prefer giving the finger to Optum leadership!

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Post ID: @5wkr+1uvDatJK

Just got out, happy and sleeping better! Love the poem, but will fall on deaf ears

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Post ID: @2vtl+1uvDatJK

Apparently leadership isn’t finished yet. Manager apparently told someone on her team that once the OCM is done the plan will need about 40 staff members to do the task of 1300. So everyone who is trouble shooting the system for them, you are troubleshooting yourself out of a job.

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Post ID: @2clu+1uvDatJK

Gold. Nailed it(ss).

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Post ID: @2wey+1uvDatJK

I did not; I just sat down and wrote it. it's not actually hard to write in couplets.

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Post ID: @zxm+1uvDatJK

I think he used ChatGPT!

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Post ID: @kpb+1uvDatJK

thanks! I've been salty since my team started having round after round of layoffs. but on this board, we're all named Anne Onymous. ;-)

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Post ID: @qux+1uvDatJK

I don’t know who wrote that, but I’d love to shake your hand! Huzzah!

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Post ID: @qli+1uvDatJK

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