Today, I was RIF’d. It wasn’t my first time—years ago, another company let me go because of COVID. Waking up to the email that delivered the news that hit me hard. That first company was my first love. And as they say, you never forget your first love.
The other jobs I held afterward were with smaller companies. I took them because I needed the money. Each time I was RIF’d, I felt numb and began to wonder if this was just my field or the new normal.
Then came Elevance—the biggest name on my resume. My family was so proud of me, and I was very proud of myself. I was the first in my entire lineage to work for any company bigger than 100 people. I felt like I achieved the dreams that my grandparents sacrificed and hoped for when they immigrated to this nation.
This job turned out to be the hardest I’d ever had. I was drowning. I had panic attacks. I became ultra-stressed and came to hate the company.
One day, I decided to do something crazy. If I couldn’t finish my work during my shift, I’d get up early and finish it before my shift. I woke up three hours early every day to complete my tasks. Eventually, my performance was recognized. I became a key figure on our team. For the first time, I felt like I belonged, and my career had meaning.
Seeing others being awarded for decades of service made me believe I had found the right company. I thought I could stay here for a while and grow into my passion.
Today, I was RIF’d again. All the emotions and exhaustion from waking up early, staying late, being stressed, and being nervous came flooding out.
I closed my laptop after the HR call and cried like I never had before. I knew this RIF was coming, but I couldn’t believe it happened to me. I had given so much of my life essence to this organization.
I cried and cried. I’m still crying. And what’s worse, they expect us to work for another month like nothing happened. Imagine having your heart broken by your first love. After dating failure after dating failure, you finally find someone you didn’t initially like but grew to love deeply. You began to think of them as your spouse and couldn't imagine anyone else. Only to be broken up with and then forced to stay together for another month.
How would you feel?
My heart, my mind, my soul can’t take this anymore. They should have crisis counselors for situations like this. I’m losing the will to go on . . .