One of the biggest rules in ki-k is consent... I did not consent to be the masochist in your sadistic little game of let's drag this out as long as possible.
I've literally worried myself sick. Quite possibly have an ulcer and I know germs cause colds but having this much stress makes it easier to catch.
Knock the sh-t off and just get it over with.
Go get a better job then. There are thousands.
So you would have rather been surprised? A random invite from your leader and poof you’re gone?
I get it. It’s an edged sword. You don’t have to worry when it’s a surprise, but when you know you’re constantly wondering when or if it will happen.
I’ve got no sage advice to offer except to try to remember the big picture. This is likely a short event in your life. It feels terrible in this moment, but it will pass. One day when you look back, you’ll wish you hadn’t worried so much.
We are all feeling the same way. Some deal with it differently. I tend to internalize and rationalize my urge to panic. Hope you can find some peace.