https://www.fastcompany.com/90866087/red-flags-someone-cant-be-trusted-according-to-science
16-March-2023
How to tell if someone who is showing off is actually revealing their insecurity.
Most of the problems in this world are caused by our inability to distinguish between confidence and competence. In particular, our failure to ensure that talented leaders end up in positions of power, which explains why 70% of the world’s nations are poorly led, why the baseline for managerial incompetence is at least 65%, and why people join companies but quit their bosses.
So, getting better at spotting incompetence would be extremely beneficial for the world, and it starts by not falling for people who self-promote and show off when they lack the talents to back it up. This should be easier if we understand some basic scientific facts about the typical characteristics of people who stand out for their seemingly superlative egos, proclivity to boast, and tendency to show off.
THEY CRAVE APPROVAL, RECOGNITION, AND VALIDATION
All humans want to be liked or appreciated by others, but especially insecure narcissists. These are people with a high need for validation, who boast in order to get other people’s approval, so they can actually believe their own delusional self views. It’s like they are not fully capable of being convinced about their fantasized greatness, so they depend on others for confirmation.
As I illustrate in my latest book, this has been amplified by the algorithmic nudges that fuel social media platforms, which have democratized digital narcissism and incentivize us all to act like insecure narcissists. Fortunately, AI (including chatGPT) cannot be judgmental in the way humans are. If it were, it would surely wonder how a species so insecure could have made it this far.
THEY EXAGGERATE THEIR COMPETENCE
A strategic reason for boasting is that people rarely dispute our talent claims as much as they should. For example, when people apply for a job they often exaggerate their talents in their résumés or job interviews. Failure to do this may still lead to hiring managers or recruiters “discounting” their claims, since the assumption is everybody lies.
This is also consistent with the finding that experts and novices don’t differ too much in their self-reported talents or expertise, a byproduct of experts’ self-critical humility (and perfectionistic self-doubt), and novices’ naïve optimism and incompetence: As Socrates noted, you need to have some knowledge to know what you don’t know.
THEY OFTEN LACK SELF-AWARENESS
Their deception may really just be self-deception. Scientific research shows that fooling yourself is the best way to fool other people, so the pervasive nature of self-deception is best explained by its adaptive interpersonal benefits, namely tricking people into thinking that you are as smart or talented as you think.
For example, if you go into a job interview thinking that you are amazing (even when you are not), you will probably not get anxious, worried, or project any self-doubt, all of which will convince interviewers that you are better than you actually are (especially when they lack the competence or expertise to distinguish between confidence and competence).
Of course, the implication is not that we should encourage people to be more deluded about their talents, but to ensure that those who are tasked with judging those talents don’t fall for people who fall in love with themselves.
THEY BENEFIT FROM NON-MERITOCRATIC STATUS AND PRIVILEGE
It is important to acknowledge that it isn’t just boasting or showing off that can boost your success, but that doing so is beneficial primarily if you are part of the in group. That is, for those accustomed to privilege, people who belong to the dominant or higher status class, gender, race, education, or nationality group, who come across as confident will likely translate into (inaccurate) perceptions of competence, but that this does not automatically extend to people who are part of the out group.