Wow, everyone, stop the presses! Apparently the entire future of AT&T hinges on whether you can beep your badge at a turnstile. Forget customers, forget results, forget innovation… it’s all about that sweet, sweet swipe. Truly world-class leadership right there.
Nothing says “cutting edge” like forcing people back into cubicles to sit on the same Teams calls they could’ve taken from home. Genius move. Productivity? Down. Morale? Dead. Attrition? Through the roof. But hey, at least the parking lot looks full!
And the relocation ultimatum? Chef’s kiss. “Move to Dallas, Atlanta, NJ or else.” Brilliant way to show your employees how valued they are by treating them like disposable furniture you can just drag around the map. Who needs decades of experience and institutional knowledge when you can hire cheaper replacements who live within badge-swiping distance? Or better yet, hire them overseas and let them work from home. Collaboration only matters domestically I guess.
“Working from home is a privilege.” Yeah, so is still having a job after Stankey’s email circus. Remote work kept this company afloat during Covid, but now suddenly it’s “lazy” and “entitled”? Please. The only thing lazy here is leadership’s inability to manage without breathing down people’s necks.
So congrats to all the cube warriors out there. Keep flexing those badge swipes, the rest of us will be busy actually producing results while you polish your chair indentation.