Thread regarding Chevron Corp. layoffs

This is one of the most powerful post that I’ve seen. It’s great that you admit your Error! Unfortunately, I went through the same thing in 2020…

Self preservation, and protecting your family is what you were thinking of… Unfortunately, it caused a lot of harm to a dear friend!

Sorry OP that this has happened to you. We all make mistakes, and time has healed my wounds and so it will yours, too.

Sometimes we only realize what we have lost through those painful experience (putting it different way, had you not lost your job nor had your friend not upfront rejected your suggestion to be close again you would have valued that friendship the way you do now). I learned my lessons similar way in a corporate place although in a somewhat different context, I think that’s just how it works sometimes.

You will feel better over the years and your friend may or may not come back to you eventually. Mine is at work too. As you see this isn’t a college course that you know you’ve got an A score and can move on; but I’m sure you will be a better man than now after this and I’d like to believe that’s why it all happened to you - this way of thinking consoled me in those dark hours, although I don’t have a religion to speak of.

Get your chin up and start looking for a job. This passes too and you will have hoped that you used this time wisely if you look back in 5 years time.

@dk I think it’s important for people to share these type of stories here. They serve as an important reminder to never let an employer come between you and your family and friends. Also helps people know how terrible Chevron is. I’m a current Hess employee and cannot wait to get my severance in September. I’m one of the many that raised their hand for EOI cause I could never imagine myself working at such a terrible place.

You are not alone. Every human has done something they are not proud of. Apologize and move on. If he foregives you great, if not, that's ok too. We all learn lessons. Over my 20+ years, I have always kept colleagues as that unless there was a real genuine bond. That has transpired with maybe 3-4 people over that timeframe. Don't beat yourself up. Take the lesson learned and never be more loyal to a company than you are to yourself and family.

@cs I tried to be one of those brave sods. I am now unemployed. I feel less brave now.

So let me get this right... You stopped talking to someone who no longer worked at Chevron because a GM told you to? So not only a bad person, but not too bright either.

Keep your feelings to yourself or get a therapist. Sharing your feelings with an anonymous group of people to get sympathy shows you have issues. Seriously.

You’re a fu--ing coward lol wow imagine su-king the company teet like that over your own friend. You’re def not a good person. Enjoy

@cc Consider sharing some of this with your family (age appropriate). You mentioned they followed your lead in distancing from the other family. It can be a powerful lesson for kids to see their parent admit they made a mistake and show/explain how they are working to be better. Call out the silent lesson you taught with a vocal lesson of learning and growth.
Your friend gracefully showed there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Which is also something I would explain to your family as they may want to reach out as well, if you have a conversation. The test will be balancing the real efforts you make to mend a friendship and looking for the point in which you understand a distant friendship maybe all you get from him and his family.
I think writing him a letter is a good idea. Too often people don't vocalize the impact and benefits of difficult conversations.

Your actions were cowardly, I hate to say. but I feel 90 plus percent of CVX people are not very brave and very much conform to whatever nonsense is ruling the day. I only trust a very small number of people anymore at this company because its a sheeple mentality here. that's partly why the company is not doing great. too many wimps.

@cc OP, I was in a similar situation as your former friend, left a company and had a pending court case against my former employer. The VP of my group sent out an email essentially warning them not to talk to me anymore. Most of them stopped any communications with me, even some I had considered close friends.

That hurt from those people was the worst part of it all, even more than being unemployed for a while and fighting against an employer who wanted to go scorched earth to protect their “brand”. When I needed my friends the most, they seemingly abandoned me. I was in a very dark place for a while.

Over the next few years, a couple of them eventually reached out. While I forgave them, I’ll never be able to forget. Others I haven’t talked to in the decade since it happened.

I’ve moved on and am in a much better place now. But the hurt and feeling of betrayal, whether rightfully so or not, will never go away.

All this to say, while you may not be a bad person, I wholeheartedly understand why your former friend isn’t willing to jump back into a friendship with you.

I'm going to leave this quote for you to ponder:

"Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold yourself in high regard"

One quote isn't going to solve the shame spiral you are in. Shame and Guilt are very different. Shame is never positive. It is that thing inside you that says: "I am a bad person". Guilt is that thing inside you that said, "I did a bad thing".

The worst thing you can do right now is try to place blame..... blame your boss for telling you to stay away. Blame yourself for listening to your boss. etc. It would be helpful to reflect on the parts of yourself that allowed you to get swayed away from your own values system..... like fear. The best way to do this is with a therapist or coach.

Your friend illustrated to you what an emotionally healthy person does when they are wronged. They show grace and kindness, but they also er--t boundaries to protect themselves or those that they love. Maybe you lost a good friend, but maybe you can learn something from how your friend handled this situation. Use him as a model for the way you want to treat relationships moving forward. You may never get your friend back, but maybe this experience can be a turning point for you. Maybe you could even write your friend a letter letting him know how much his example of grace and boundary setting has helped you see that you have changes to make in your own life.

I am the OP. I don't plan to toss anyone under the bus so I am not giving out names or functions.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. Whether with grace, bluntness, scripture, or sarcasm, I heard you.

Reading the replies was humbling. A few hit me hard. Some made me defensive at first, which probably says more about me than the comments themselves. The truth is, I’m still trying to reconcile who I was in that moment with who I want to be moving forward.

Someone said I was soft and scared. That’s more accurate than I’d like to admit. Another pointed out that regret alone doesn’t fix broken trust. Also true. A few others reminded me in colorful terms that you don’t turn your back on your own, no matter who’s watching. And they’re right. I didn’t just distance myself from a friend. I modeled that for my family. That part keeps me up at night.

It’s strange. During the week, I’ve always worn the hard hat and played the role. Focused, driven, results-first. Some might say ruthless, and I wouldn’t argue. But on weekends, I show up at church trying to be something better. That duality has worked for a long time. Until it didn’t.

Losing my job didn’t break me. Losing my friend did. His forgiveness hit harder than any layoff ever could.

Someone asked if it’s really over. I don’t know. I plan to try again. Not with some big grand gesture, but by being consistent and present, if he’ll allow it. Maybe it won’t change the outcome, but I won’t walk away from this twice.

I’m still hungry. For position, for impact, for legacy. But I want that without sacrificing the kind of man I tell my kids they should grow up to be. That’s the new tension I’m working through. I appreciate the mirror you’ve all held up. I didn’t love what I saw, but I needed to see it.

OP

Your wife is to blame

OP you are not a terrible man, just a bit soft and scared, as many are, do better next time.

The GM on the other hand, sounds familiar, which BU was this? I think they are still terrible and survived the re-org.

@OP, I feel for you. We've all made choices that left us with regret. My question to you is what if it's not over? What if you can find a way to prove yourself to be a friend? Trust was broken and your friend felt tossed aside. Your contrition coming just after being let go tells your friend that you're hurting, but not necessarily because you want to work through past mistakes and find a way forward. Gaining trust after an ordeal like this takes commitment and time. If you truly want to mend this and heal your heartache, consider putting in the work. Be persistent. The best way I know to do that is to lay your cards on the table (if you haven't already), admit your mistakes and ask for a chance. Even if your families aren't reunited, you'll know you did everything possible to repair the damage and possibly regain your friendship in the process. Good luck to you.

@ak he was a bad person up until he realized he was a bad person. The fact that his wife suggested to reach out to the guy after all that tells you alot.
It's a tough story and believable. I was at Chevron for 8 years
I don't think any large corporation has a monopoly on bad politics.
Human nature is as human nature does
Learn from it and move on
Human nature is as human nature does

Even Saint Peter turned his back on his friend when he was afraid of what he would lose. But love casts out all fear.

It’s in all of us. You’re not a bad person, sounds like you just found yourself afraid, and so you acted selfishly.

Don’t let what you did in the past while fearful infect how you view yourself

We all make mistakes. Give yourself grace, try apologizing to your friend to let him know that you realize the enormity of what you did. Thank him for his kindness without expecting forgiveness in return. Then, pay it forward when someone else needs support and kindness to show yourself you’ve learned from the situation and are choosing to change your behavior for the future.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why I don’t sh t where I eat unless I’m relocated to ENGINE

I don’t want to comment on or judge your particular circumstance, but it sounds like a challenging thing to come to grips with. Sounds like you are trying to come to terms with grief and loss, and your part in that — but I do think self reflection is the right path forward.

What I will say though is that I think this company changes people, and not for the better. Its culture has deep roots and behind the superficial veneer, that culture has survived. I have seen good people — possibly slightly naive people — change for the worse over the decades I have worked with them. You either embrace that change and let it define you to survive, or reject it and move on.

When I started here, in my first week someone referred to the onboarding as “having your chip inserted”. They said it without thinking as if it was normal. I now understand why they said it.

A great story, I sat with Chevron HR in the Eighties during final hiring phase, I gad the job. And HR was talking about “the corporate rules”. I jumped up said thank you but no thank you. Freaked out HR guy, he begged me to explain why I wouldn’t want to work at this great company. I looked him in the eye and said, it’s not a good fit, I am not a clone.

@OP I will spare you the trouble of going to Reddit. You are, indeed, the a--hole.

That former colleague of yours is a true gem and displayed tremendous emotional maturity, restraint, and kindness, which you absolutely did not deserve. I hope you take time to reflect on your bad behavior and adjust your future actions.

This company (no company, really) is not worth compromising one’s morals. The Chevron of today reflects all that is wrong with greedy and out of touch senior executives. They don’t give a damn about any of us, and I sometimes think that a few of them might even throw their own mothers under the bus just for more money.

I truly feel nauseous when I think of what this company has become and the absolutely disgusting, l-wlife behaviors that these so-called leaders exhibit.

I hope you tale serves as a wake-up call to all of us to never compromise our integrity for this POS company and even bigger pile of cr-p leaders.

Great fiction writing OP. Really convincing, like a Tom Clancy novel. Looking forward to the next one.

I keep work relationships and personal relationships separate for a reason. Sorry OP that this happened.

There’s a difference between being a bad person and making a bad decision. A bad person doesn’t feel regret or guilt for what they did.
You made the wrong choice in 2020. Learn from this and grow from it.

You're a good person to acknowledge you did a bad thing. Chevron isn't a bad company, it just has abysmal and awful leaders.

Honestly by all definitions you provided, you're a bad and selfish person.

Doesn't mean you can't change though...

OP I disagree with the first poster.
You put a corporation before your own family. No one at Chevron needed to know you were still in touch with the guy and his family. It was very unlikely someone at Chevron would have known, but for some reason you thought a corporation was more important that your wife and kids. You put your family in an awkward position.
I completely understand why the guys wife does not want to be in touch with you and your wife again. Both of you are not dependable. Friendship and family is about staying by each other no matter what.
Sorry I cannot side with you, but the fact is the other guy is a much better person than you. You lost the best friend you could ever have and you pi$$ed it away.

You are not a bad person. Maybe not the loyalist of friends. You were put in a spot many might not know what to do. That’s quite unfair for a GM to make that kind of veiled threat to your security and really your family when it comes down to it. That’s just not right. I’m not saying you are right either. You did at the time what you thought best. Life is not easy nor is being best friends easy. The gesture your friend made shows he has forgiven you. But his wife may not have. You can’t blame her for feeling like you abandoned his friendship. Not sure what next steps are than other to let it go. Time heals everything in life and time is what you both have. Sometime in the future maybe just maybe things will change and who knows what will happen. I wish you nothing but luck and don’t let this be the definition of your existence. Just move on. He certainly has.