Was unceremoniously laid off this round, having survived 15 years of re-orgs and changes. And it’s hitting hard.
I loved my job, and loved my team (most of whom were also laid off). But I also know the Chevron of today is not the Chevron of yesterday, that I loved and admired. I also know that things would be pretty grim if I stayed.
I tried to shift the needle, I tried to act with integrity and honesty, because to me that was the best thing for the team and the company. Ultimately the team was disbanded because as a function we preformed badly, despite our efforts to improve it that were foiled at every turn by middle management — and that same middle management kept their jobs.
I also suspect that had I not raised my concerns and towed the company line, I would have had a much greater chance of being one of those anointed to stay.
I took great pride in my job, but evidently I wasn’t as good as it as I thought. I have constantly tried to improve my skills and go above and beyond, but my efforts didn’t hit the right political chords.
But all the people I most admired have left, either of their own accord, EOI, or not being selected.
Chevron has been 40% of my life, and to not even get a farewell hurts bad. It’s a stark reminder of exactly how expandable we all are.
The job market is brtutal and being rejected again and again is taking its toll.
I feel lost and dejected. Every day is a struggle, but I put up a facade to those around me that depend on me.
I’m thankful though that I never felt truly secure here, and so we live within our means. But having never been unemployed before, it’s scary and confusing.
Anyway, I just wanted to shout into the anonymous void, and let others know that its okay to not be okay.