Lexmark’s here.
Interest is 13.5%.
What could go wrong?
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Take ONE shot when you hear:
• “Synergies”
• “Transformation”
• “Operational efficiency”
• “Integration is on track”
• “Strong liquidity position” (LOL)
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Take TWO shots when you hear:
• “Accretive to earnings”
• “Strategic rationale”
• “Improved competitive positioning”
• “Right-sizing the business”
• “Leveraging Lexmark’s capabilities” (for what, exactly?)
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CHUG when they say:
• “Lexmark is exceeding expectations”
• “The market misunderstood the deal”
• “Cost optimization through workforce alignment” (translation: layoffs)
• “We remain confident in our long-term vision” (LOL again)
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BONUS RULES:
• If Steve B. says “print is not dead” — Finish your drink.
• If an analyst actually asks a hard question — Pour one out in his honor.
• If earnings are negative again — Open the tequila.
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Disclaimer:
Drink responsibly. Unlike our capital allocation strategy.