How do you make the decision to take the leap and leave? After months of searching I got a job offer. The company is much smaller than XOM but everything about it seems better. Still, I'm having trouble accepting the offer. My biggest fear is that as the new guy I'll be the lowest-hanging fruit there and at the first sign of trouble I'll be out on my a–. I'm really not sure what to do.
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When the offer lapses and you do not take it, there is two ways it will turn out:
- You stay in exxon and prosper and forget your current misery.
- You stay in exxon and you regret forever not taking the offer.
50% chance of a lifetime of regret. And forever is a very very long time.
Go take the jump and learn to enjoy the ride.
'Lighten up, fluff.'
That's a line from 'Yes We Can' song.
You can work it out.
You will find instant stress relief once you make the decision to leave or stay. Until then, you will agonize over whether it's the right decision. It is better to follow your gut instinct instead of letting unknown future fears rule your life. The future might be something to fear but it will also have its rewards. It is your choice which one to focus on.
Lighten up, fluff. Take a deep breath, oxygenate, clench one fist, onward.
OP. Go home. Sit in a corner. And never go outside because your are way too fragile.
Just wait for the UBI so you can play video games all day and smoke the happy leaf.
My mental health HAS improved .
:)
Autocorrect typo, not Freudian slip.
Left in July and have zero regrets.
Found a job, with better benefits, and in a nicer city.
My mental health hasn’t improved, and my family thinks I’m nicer to be around.
I can see a better future and feel sorry for the friends who’ve battled the lay-off and are dreading the next pipoff.
It’s really greener on the other side
Yeah where is it, take me with you
It is a tough decision to make to leave know and enter into unknown. However, all I would say as you review leaving Exxon is this, with the new ranking system that flexibly allows your ranker to move you into any bucket of their choosing (with the 20 point safety net taken away) you will always have a sword over your head and it will be a year on year survival. On bad boss and you will me NSId and pipped out. A good colleague and a good friend of mine ranked well throughout his career was laid off. According to him the same skills that earned him a promotion in 2020 were quoted as no longer needed by company in december and was laid off. What that means? It means company doesnt care "any" of your past performance and hard work in delivering, 1 bad boss and you will be out of the door, especially with XOMs strategy to ship work to India and MSPs.
OP,
Hard choice for sure and I don't know your entire situation but the one thing I can add as a distant passerby if that you are in control when it comes to feelings of regret. What I mean is that you mentally allow yourself to feel regret and mentally can stop yourself from having those feelings and letting them overcome you. Hopefully once that fear and burden is set aside, you will make the decision that makes the most sense. If it doesnt work out and the worse case scenario isnt that bad (more than likely it is not bad at all), learn from the experience and be proud of the decision and the courage it took to make the decision. That feeling of empowerment that comes with making decisions can feel great as long as you mentally suppress the fear that might come along as a side effect. You might get a sense of clarity and purpose that is hard to explain but oh so priceless.
Good luck
If you need to relocate for the new job, ask them to defer it for 3-6 months. I took a new position at a much riskier company, but I don't have to move until late this year. Right now I'm on the fence about staying with the new company (love the people and the work but the big picture risk is high), so I'm glad for the extra time to get to know them before I really commit.
You are not alone. A friend of mine who recently left described their decision to resign as “a bad divorce, with kids and s—t involved”. I ended up staying after declining an external offer a couple of years ago admittedly because this risk averse culture has been ingrained so deeply in me as well. In hindsight this particular decision wasn’t too bad, but I’m still looking outside and hoping to get out on my own terms. For many who were laid off, I think over the long term it will have been a blessing for them.
It's not you, it's the EM way. You are hesitant because the EM culture has trained you to be that way...risk averse, overly cautious and complacent "Hold onto the railing with both hands so you don't fall" In the real world companies and people in those companies take risks and are often rewarded for taking those risks. Spread your wings and fly!
A couple thoughts here:
- Can you ask for an extension to the offer and keep interviewing around with companies you’re more comfortable with?
- EM isn’t anything special...go to any generic old fortune 100 company for similar benefits, pay, wlb, etc
- Perhaps wait until July to see if you get PIP’d to get a nice package?
- I wouldn’t worry about being the new guy...at every other company people leave and come all the time. It’s unheard of outside of here to stay somewhere for 30+ years.
- Ask your recruiter if you decline for now if they can reconsider down the line?
My hand was forced with the layoff, but what I can say is that in retrospect it’s the best thing that could have happened. Being stretched into a new role, new industry, and having more responsibility has forced me to grow exponentially more than EM was allowing me to do. Also, playing it safe feels good in the moment, but is regrettable long term. Nothing is permanent. If it doesn’t work, you have an updated resume and have recently interviewed, so it’s fairly fresh in your mind. You can always find something new. I’m rooting for you!
These decisions can be excruciating, for sure. You're making a major life-changing decision. The fact that you are struggling with it shows you have character.
I struggled with the decision to come TO exxon years ago as an experienced hire. It was a weeks-long mental wrestling match. something that helped my make the decision was following the guidelines in this book:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/111817271X/
It's called "Make Up Your Mind" by Hal Mooz. Unfortunately it looks like its out of print now, maybe you can find a summary on the web. It takes a very systematic approach to making decisions.
Making these decisions always leaves a big question mark because we cannot see the future. In hindsight, my moving to exxon was 100% the correct decision.
Good luck.
I’m feeling the same way. Lots of discomfort and things to think about. I’m putting in my notice next week but it’s just definitely a lot of feelings here that I didn’t expect. Take the leap. Exxon is not in a good place right now. The risk of layoffs and PIPs which are coming up are just not good for your mental health or anybody’s mental health. It feels like right now Exxon does not value anybody regardless of skills, contributions to company etc. Feel what you need to feel and know it’s all normal to have doubts but take the risk and move on otherwise you will most likely have regrets.
It's normal to feel that way. In fact, being too comfortable can be a bad thing (not being challenged). Every company holds a different philosophy, so assuming you would be the first out the door may not be true.
Take the job and enjoy the ride. The first year or so is the honeymoon phase. You will have to prove yourself to others. Find a mentor/sponsor to guide you. Be patient with yourself as you make mistakes and learn.
Good luck!
Hi there...when I got my first job offer after deciding to seriously job hunt, I was hesitant too. I asked the other company to give me more time to think, and they gave me 1.5 weeks to mull it over. I think I was hesitant because:
1) It was an entirely different company than oil or gas or petrochemicals
2) I still LIKED my work at ExxonMobil even though I abhorred middle management and above
3) The other company had a lot more people who were more senior than I in terms of skill sets, and I was worried that if I took the job, relocated, and then got laid off for whatever reason that I would emotionally have a breakdown
BUT....I used the 1.5 weeks to think about what I was GAINING from remaining put in ExxonMobil. Once I compared what I liked and could gain from ExxonMobil (including effects to my personal life) to what I liked/could gain from the other company (including effects to the personal life), it became obvious that I need to take some risks and just take the new job. Perhaps being in ExxonMobil so long has made me extremely risk adverse, and that's a bad way to keep progressing my career. You're not a coward for feeling scared. You're only a coward if you don't fully measure out the pros and cons of each side of the coin.