Every Silicone valley company the last 3 months.......
To my Salesforce family.
To my Uber family.
To my VMWare family.
To my Intel family.
To my google family.
Very saddened by the news of separations, exits, impacted, departed, off boarded (you mean layoffs jerk) today after our transformative headcount rationalization process.
We announced working from home indefinitely for 2020 (getting high 5 front page news) (wow best company ever!) (they let me move to lake8statesaway and keep my 200k silicone valley job!) thinking the impacts of Covid would be short lived (no you didn’t) we made tough decisions initially to furlough specific positions (you mean people you didn’t like) thinking they would promptly come back. (You made no mention of eliminating all the personnel who maintained our campuses for 20 years because they are just contracted losers right, now back to us workers that matter only a little more)
So sorry you young tech workers just got your exotic student loans due after your short lived high flying Bay Area tech career. My buddy Ralph McOutSource convinced me to offshore all of your jobs to Mumbai, and Hyderabad because....well that’s what he did. I’m sure when you told your parents and friends OMG I got hired by google, uber, postmates, salesforce starting at $180,000 right out of school OMG! You had no idea we would convince you you can sell your home and move to the mid west because your job is safe forever (meaning about 6 months) and by the time you paint that last bedroom for the new baby on the way you’ll get a phone call from the “knowledge transfer team” to start immediately training your new offshore replacement)
Say it with me bro! Ohana baby! Ohana! Hope you land on your feet soon in the worst job market since the American civil war....... just be happy you didn’t lose a leg like them buddy and keep that chin up. Keep grinding and things will work out, they always do...
Phil Cashington IV
Oh don’t forget to buy my new book “a self made success” that totally fabricates my back to the wall self made man story. Conveniently overlooking that my grandparents paid cash for my education and my parents rubbed elbows with the elite before I could ride a bike. Oh and that summer I moved lawns for $2.00 an hour we made that up too. I just did it one time as a punishment for crashing dads Mercedes.