Thread regarding ExxonMobil Corp. layoffs

Guaranteed way to not get PIPed at XOM

Ok ladies and gents. I'm about to retire soon so I want to help out as many of you as I can. If you want to survive PIP for all time do the following:

  1. Power walk! Make sure you are seen! Walk around the office telling everyone you are glad to see them and if you can do anything for them. This works better if you wear a XOM shirt so buy as many as you can. Consider it an investment!
  1. Print out lots of documents! Dont walk to the printer, run there! XOM managers love to see workers with documents on their person or on their desk!
  1. Attend as many meeting as humanly possible! Especially if you are wearing XOM gear! You need to be seen as the ultimate collaborator and team player!
  1. Call people and put your phone on speaker. Don't miss an opportunity to show managers your collaboration skills!
  1. Yam! This one is not a favorite of XOM managers because its considered high tech by them but dont forget to post or at least respond to one Yammer post a day! It's free Brownie points!
  1. Power walk! Yes it was mentioned in point one but I cant stress this enough! You have to be seen by managers! Doing work is for people that want to get laid off! It's better to be seen and heard!

Please feel free to add more tips and tricks! If we all power walk they can't and wont lay you off!

by Anonymous
| 3051 views | | 14 replies (last May 19, 2021) | Reply
Post ID: @OP+1aUIC1iY
Comment! It's anonymous!

14 replies (most recent on top)

Self-identify as an aging boomer regardless of your birth date or current appearance. Wear clothing of the opposite s-x to the office at least once a week. Your actions will keep the company lawyers busy for several months looking for a PIP loophole and you will be safe in the meantime.

by Anonymous
| | Reply
Post ID: @1mbf+1aUIC1iY

You forgot a couple key ones

  1. Set yourself as busy on Skype and occasionally do not disturb
  1. Become an EM couple
  1. To our younger folks - Have dad or mom work at EM
  1. Show up 10 min before the first person in the office to make it seem like you’re an early bird and leave 5 min after him/her to show you work long hours.
by Anonymous
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Post ID: @1ilq+1aUIC1iY

Don't forget: Be a Boomer (either by birth year or just mentally). That is, ask useless irrelevant questions, pack your vocabulary with meaningless buzzwords, and most importantly struggle with the most basic software that a child in kindergarten can master. (powerpoint, excel, zoom, connecting monitors) Do this and you're on the fast track to XOM management bliss free from any real responsibilities =)

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @1uig+1aUIC1iY

Too bad you don't work for the company OP. It would have been so choice.

blocked

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @1ozf+1aUIC1iY

@1mkx+1aUIC1iY

They laid off expectant mothers and some kn maternity leave. Doubtful coming out will do a thing.

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @1vhe+1aUIC1iY

Come out of the closet, then they will be afraid to fire you.

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @1mkx+1aUIC1iY

People with enclosed offices who take conference calls on their speaker phone with the door open are the worst kind of people!

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @hdw+1aUIC1iY

This is all so true it's sad. Real work is not valued at Exxon. It took me sometime to realize this. We have more overpaid, do nothing, know nothing, worthless folks than any other place I've ever seen.

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @tgs+1aUIC1iY

Take maternity leave, stay out at least 6 months… come back, repeat.

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @bfv+1aUIC1iY

Completely agree with all of your items.

  1. Always volunteer any type of useless committee (cultural)and talk and talk.
  2. Always highlight how you overcome any type of disability (fake though!) and talk about that during BPR / diversity meeting.

Incompetent leaders won’t give you any credit to your actual work and how you deliver high quality work to your stakeholder on time.Thus, always try to show off and pretend to be busy. Give min. time to actual work. Trust me this will help you to survive under these clown managers if you like or not.

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @iic+1aUIC1iY

OP, this is a good one. You forgot to mention:

Lie without shame and guilt.
Sign up for useless online certificate courses from big school names such as Stanford, MIT, Harvard, and hide your original education replace them with big names on LinkedIn by leveraging 2-day online courses you just stared at.
Laugh and su> Quickly find and like all frivolous LinkedIn posts that ExxonMobil executives and managers post.
Start touting your frivolous accomplishments on LinkedIn starting with "I am humbled to have ...."
by Anonymous
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Post ID: @qnj+1aUIC1iY

I see power walking is the new theme hahaha #winning

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @yqp+1aUIC1iY
  1. Volunteer for the safety squad. Stand by railings to make sure everyone is holding on. Do many safety talks, making sure your boss is in attendance.
by Anonymous
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Post ID: @wca+1aUIC1iY

Wow thank you!

Point 5 is a must! Team work is important too, get an ally to take a picture of your power walk and post it on Yam! Do return a favour as well!

by Anonymous
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Post ID: @dxn+1aUIC1iY

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