Disclaimer: Pure satire. All names and characters are fictional and not intended to represent anyone at Dell or elsewhere. This is a parody of systems and processes, not people.
A Peacock Original
The Lady in the Yellow Hat
This is Mari Softbautum.
Mari is in sales.
Mari should sell computers.
But today is different.
Today is Power Week!
During Power Week, everyone makes pipeline.
Not real pipeline.
‘Magic’ pipeline.
Mari takes her old deal.
She gives it a new name.
“Look! A new opportunity!” she says.
Her friends do the same.
Copy.
Paste.
Rename.
Brag.
“Wow! Look at all this pipeline!”
The managers clap.
The marketers cheer.
The leaders smile.
At the end of the week, the pipeline disappears.
The quota stays.
But Mari gets a shiny email from her boss that says, “Great job, Mari! Thanks for doing your part.”
Mari printed it out and hung it by her desk.
She was a proud Softbautum.