Here's the Top Ten things you should do if you think you might get laid off this round...and if you are sure that you won't be laid off, just keep dreaming.
10...Take home your personal items. Sure they will let you pack them up or they'll do it for you and ship it to your home, but that just adds to the emotions of the day and not in a good way. It's your stuff. Sort through it and leave, take, or toss. Those cough drops that expired two years ago are your business, no else's. What else do you have to do right now, anyway?
9...When your office/desk is clean and clear, do the same with your email, computer files, and company phone. Copy your contacts, email home your pictures and personal emails...you get the idea.
8...Go to HR Express and print/save any documents you might need. Performance agreements, retirement account information. Make sure you know how to log on from home.
7...Think about any time you may have given your COP email or phone as contact information or as a log in for an online account. Change it now to your personal information. If you wait until after your COP account has been deactivated (which will happen by the end of the day you are notified), it may be more difficult to change.
6...A few days before notifications begin, have fish or shrimp for lunch, but don't eat it all. Stash it somewhere in the office that will be hard to find but easy to smell. A symbolic recognition of the rotting corpse that COP has become.
5...This one is pretty obvious, but if you are in denial (as are many) you haven't done it yet. Update your resume. Update your LinkedIn profile (remember use your personal contact info only) and make sure you have made all appropriate connections. Contacts are much easier to make now vs. later.
4...Have a little fun in the break room. Putting salt in the sugar shaker is beneath you, but swapping the nasty powdered creamer with flour...now that's funny right there. Let your lefties in the fridge pile up like obnoxious petrie dishes. Take the dusty, curled postings on the bulletin boards and turn them upside down.
3...Once you're gone you will be easily forgotten while those who remain are left to deal with their survivor guilt and their continued fear of the next round. Leave some little "mementos" of yourself here and there. Create a folder on a shared drive with your name on it. Password protect your files. Leave your business cards in random spots around the office. I. Was. Here.
2...Plan your reaction in case you are notified. My suggestion...as minimal a reaction as you can muster. Say as little as possible. Show no emotion. Do your homework so you can ask questions that are as difficult as possible.
1...Keep your shoulders back and your chin high. If you are selected for layoff, you are being set free from the misery that COP has become. There are better days to come. Even if you are shattered, don't them see you sweat or cry or get angry. Your emotions still belong to you...don't share them with the ba$tard$. They've taken their pound of flesh and then some. Don't give them anymore. Go home to your family and begin again.
And this one is for the brave. As you leave, take your magnetic name plate from outside your office and stick it on the bathroom door. You've just been flushed. I can't imagine a better spot for it. And how funny would that be if everyone did that as their parting gesture? What a great new COP tradition to begin! #takethenameplatechallenge