Ever felt like your data and digital products were more of a dog's dinner than a well-organized feast? Fear not! Our Analytics & Engineering maestros are here to turn that dog's dinner into a gourmet canine delight for you to enjoy.
Picture this: your messy data, now dressed up in a tuxedo and doing the cha-cha with DXC efficiency. Our AI-infused and human-centered design services are like the master chefs of the digital culinary world turning your data engineering challenges into a five-star canine cuisine for the top dogs and the poodles.
And speaking of top dogs our offering leader is doing things that even make his neighbor's overachieving poodle jealous. Rumor has it he's solving complex business problems while teaching his cat to tap dance.
9 replies (most recent on top)
Can someone do one on Cloud and Infrastructure?
Isn't that what Accenture have been doing to it for the past 4-5 years? Despite the most valiant efforts from the "AI-infused Platform X", the group has become increasingly irrelevant, shrinking yet hiring more and more Accenture cast-offs, and producing nothing but delusional messages - not that anyone is listening ...
Can someone do one on Cloud and Infrastructure?
The way we're engaging our customers is a big mess. Each offering group has its own confusing structure and way of working with customers. The Account Executives in charge of managing customer accounts are not given enough importance and are buried deep in the corporate hierarchy. The persons at the top, who are in charge of the overall offering groups, have little experience in actually managing customer accounts and spent most of their career preparing sales presentations on a narrow technology domain. This chaotic situation is the reason for lack of revenue and the layoffs.
good stuff here. I left in september.
poets r onto something. by now even the indifferent fcks in the board know mike didn't care. with mary they hired over 100 vps. recruited just about anyone. most in the us were clueless af. red flags waving from day 1. his plans were all flash no substance. now you all know his actual plan was to buy time, grab his millions, and move on. it worked. for him. faked busy with his turnaround till the day word got out.
We totally get how important it is to fling your business to new heights through innovation customer loyalty and strategic technology investments. That’s why over the past three years, we meticulously recruited a very large team of Offering Vice Presidents with embellished credentials. They’re like a bunch of brilliantly novice mavericks tirelessly watching their socks stay clean while the rest of us fervently rummage for the elusive secrets of success that our customers and our esteemed investors are aching for. But hey let's not throw ourselves into an extravagant jubilation of their magnificence just yet. When you team up with them prepare to be whisked away on a whirlwind journey. They're practically bouncing off the walls to play the role of your faithful guides skillfully pointing you elsewhere to uncover the success partner of your dreams. Remember they're not only merely peddling you any old DXC service they're on a mission to offer an experience that will leave you with a surplus of gray hairs.
Does this count? Its low effort and no cost so feels appropriate:
Tech we indeed do
Management said fook all you
Motivated NOPE
Any poets here for the other offerings please?
Step right up into the zany realm of our modern workplace where our leader is not just an industry captain but a certified weirdo extraordinaire, proudly embracing the quirks that make work... well, work!
Our fantastic offering is like the VIP bathroom pass for your employees, allowing them to connect, collaborate, and work seamlessly from anywhere with any device in an ultimate throne room experience —no plungers required!
Our workplace transformation turns hybrid work environments into a lively carnival of productivity and our offering brass band will have more wind sections than you ever expected! The only thing louder than success will be a well-timed deskchair toot that rivals a Mexican brass band on a diet of bean burritos.
So, get ready for a wild ride on your throne room rollercoaster led by our offbeat leader. Let's turn your productivity into a symphony of success, with occasional unexpected solos. It's not your average workplace; it's our modern workplace, where any simple task is a rootin'-tootin' adventure as in our very own Virtual First workplace!
Ok, good. This offering would be shrinking 6 per cent year over year then.