Below are all the posts — topics as well as replies — that mention the hashtag #fakeituntilyoumakeit.
Mention #fakeituntilyoumakeit in your post to continue the discussion!
don't forget effectively hiding the fact that ACT went a few hundred million over budget... (nicely buried in the "detailed" financial statement you had to click through to read )
well played sir!
(in finance we don't say #fakeituntilyoumakeit.... we say "non-GAAP" )
In episode 8 of "fake it until you make it!" BK and Murthy decide to publicly announce their civil partnership after the open display of affection at the BUM. BK said lovingly "Murthy is a very special person to me I've been trying to court him for a year. Look what he's done for the Intel stock price, he's an amazing talent - with a cute a-- ;-)". Murthy also had great praise for BK too "without BK leadership in the mobile space I wouldn't have been able to buy my Bentley today from the proceeds of my Qualcomm stock - just imagine if Sofia was a success!".
Later in the show cameras follow Aicha home. Where she is still very proud of her son for questioning BK. Aicha tells her son "Look every time I open my mouth at work people laugh. It's just racism nothing else. Black lives matter!". "Yes mum pigs in blankets fry them like bacon!".
In a sad ending to the show security are called out to reports of a homeless woman living in the multi-story parking lot near RNB. Upon arrival security recognise the figure pushing a shopping cart to be Diane Bryant. Asked why a wealthy executive is living like this Diane replies "I've been here before and I can do it again. It's only a matter of time before the sh-- hits the fan in DCG. I may as well come to terms with it now."
Season 2 of fake it until you make is back after the summer.
This quarter Sofia 3G, 3GR and 4G sales teams were awarded the prestigious IAA for improving CCG profits by 19%.
By not selling a single one of these profit killing products the sales team improved "profitability" in CCG. The cameras interviewed Janet from sales - "it's not often you get an award for sitting on your a-- all day gossiping and doing no work but that's the great thing about contra revenue. We live in exciting times at Intel!"
As a member of the crew documenting Intel making history it's a privilege to work in such an interestingly managed company.
In episode 6 of "fake it until you make it!" BK changes the format of the quarterly BUM to the Bonus Update Meeting. In this new format employees won't have to actually pretend they are interested or believe in the virtuous circle but get what they really came for - just the bonus numbers that quarter. In the forum BK will read out the numbers whilst sat under a tank of slime - employees then vote on their approval of the bonus and if they are not satisfied CEO gets it (meritocracy in action).
In a separate segment of the show the cameras follow Amir to an ex-Qualcomm Murthy affected group. Here participants share their stories of Murthy stealing their lunch and generally making their lives hell. Amir shares the story of how he fled Qualcomm to get away from the big curry muncher only to be followed to Intel. "I was starting to talk and act like a normal person again and even started taking care of my personal hygiene - all the hard work is ruined now the big bombastic bastard has been fired from Qualcomm and moved to Intel".
In the final part of the show Aicha confesses to her father that she has been a complete failure - "dad if you thought we lost billions in tablets that's nothing to the contra revenue with Apple. They write business case studies about me and contra revenue in the future!". Even Aicha father admits he'd fire her.
In episode 5 of "fake it until you make it!" Andy Bryant is furious to hear the news of the ARM takeover. Wanting to understand what BK is going to do in response Bryant marches to BK's office only to discover after storming in that BK is in his underpants dancing to Katie Perry with Jimmy the robot. Unable to contain his anger Bryant asks BK why didn't he buy ARM as a way to get exposure to the mobile market without wasting billions sponsoring his trophy African-American executive. After serving a 1 hour time out as punishment BK summons the full MCM committee to a meeting and orders them to wear super hero costumes for the impossible task ahead.
At the meeting Amir is asked to sit away from the group as he hasn't showered again. Aicha feels sorry that Amir has no friends but she is relieved she doesn't have to hold her nose again.
At the meeting all of Murthy ideas are overruled as he hasn't been in the company 15 years yet. Instead this group of overpaid executives decide to make a counter offer for ARM with the intention of immediately discontinuing the RISC architecture and replacing it with x86. Furthermore no chip will be allowed to be sold for less than $200 without at least 60% GM. Aicha says that iCDG in conjunction with PEG will develop a retractable power cord so that "mobile" devices with the new Intel architecture won't require a battery and user don't have to worry about charging.
After the meeting Murthy contacts his old boss at the kebab house in London to see if his old job is available.
Watch the next installment to see how BK spins the appalling quarterly results and PC sales collapse.
In episode 4 of "fake it until you make it!" Murthy confronts BK and Aicha as to why he's not been invited to a single quarterly BUM. Murthy states "I know I might not be the most attractive person ...", Aicha mutters quietly to BK "that's the first understatement he's made since he joined the company!". Ignoring Aicha Murthy continues "and it might have been a while since I've seen my pe--s but I thought you were an inclusive company" before slamming the door and walking out. Both Aicha and BK look perplexed (not for the first time).
Later BK meets with Richard from HR to discuss the next round of layoffs and what metrics to use to remove the last few "bastards over 40 who know how a real company should be run". BK revisits the encounter with Murthy asking Richard as a fellow Brit what he thinks all the fuss is about. Richard being the nice guy he is (lol) tells BK he should understand Murthy is new and tell him he can "come into his BUM" any time he wants.
The next morning Aicha is upset that Murthy and BK went out for make up drinks. After seeing BK wince whist trying to sit down Aicha hopes to get back in his good books by offering to share her recticare.