New interim CFO

Who do you believe is Number 15? The Number 15 I know is a snivelling weasel with the initials of RT who works as a director overseeing the CAG team and special projects. JS brought him back to Citrix in 2015. Below is a great summary of what Employee Number 15 is like.

The Elliot Management overlords should fire Employee Number 15 during the next round of layoffs. We all despise David Henshall for what he innately is – a snivelling, cowardly, backstabber, and semi-competent bean counter – whereas our scorn for Number 15 stems from what he has consciously chosen to be – a toady, sycophantic, and mendacious supplicant. Whilst David Henshall has used his backstabbing treachery to thrive and become the Citrix CEO, the deceitful dastard Number 15 can only use his malevolent arts barely to survive.

Despite being the 15th employee at Citrix, he has languished in the same echelons of middle management for eons, as he proved incapable of progressing even in Citrix’s glory days where opportunities for promotion abounded. Throughout his career, his managers have managed to see through the parasite’s ruses and tricks. His superiors were even smart enough to lay him off in 2015.

Yet serendipitous circumstances during Citrix’s ignominious decline have given a new lease on life to Number 15. When the Finance Queen Bee needed a corporate drone for her special projects a few months after his humiliating layoff, she turned to Number 15. Like a virus mutating and metastasising into something more virulent with time’s passage, the indolent Number 15 has found a new life as an enforcer who callously implements whatever his superiors demand irrespective of morality and decency. Reports from Fort Lauderdale indicate numerous sightings of number 15 inside the latrines. One can see Number 15 discreetly wiping faeces from his tongue and face after licking the latest posterior.

Number 15 is notorious for ridiculing ideas from his subordinates and subsequently selling the same ideas as his own to his superiors. Number 15 tells his reports that he is fighting for their interests, yet he pliantly submits to whatever inanity his superiors and peers demand, leaving his team with little more than sc-aps from a resource standpoint. Number 15 spends many hours hosting QBRs to discuss the annual employee survey ad infinitum and his purported disdain for Wendy the witch, yet never bothers to avail himself of the opportunity to understand what it is that his subordinates or his team does. For Number 15, self-preservation and survival are paramount. Without the financial carcass of what is left of Citrix, Number 15 would prove incapable of obtaining a six-figure salary. Number 15 is devoid of ideas and drive for which he compensates through his penchant for flattery and obsequiousness. Number 15 is the encapsulation of a dullard. Spending time with his smart phone and pretending to be busy are his marks of fame in Fort Lauderdale.

Number 15 instructs his formerly lone direct report, a talentless, crafty, and useless Argentine to fabricate pretexts to fire a terrific employee whilst Number 15 falsely claimed to have her back. Number 15 could not care less about securing a package for the dismissed employee. Like the military junta in Argentina during the Falklands War, the asinine Argentine was all too eager to bask in glory by inciting a conflict without pondering the implications and she even went so far as to defame her report, which undoubtedly pleased the duplicitous Number 15.

The dumb Argentine and Number 15 underestimated their target, a warrior in the figurative and literal sense. He summarily retaliated by suing the Argentine for defamation and Citrix for various things. All of this was unavoidable if Number 15’s parsimony and fiendishness had impelled him to do the right thing – to secure a package for the employee Citrix wanted to fire to reduce costs. Once Number 15 and the cretinous con artists in Citrix management realised the departed employee meant business and could effectively retaliate against Citrix, the Argentine, and Number 15, they ran with their tails between their legs and resolved the matter discreetly.

It is lamentable that Number 15’s cowardice made him too spineless to contradict his superiors or courageous enough to fire the employee himself. Despite his ineptitude, pusillanimity, and sloth, the parasite Number 15 remains at Citrix. The question remains whether Number 15’s adroitness for whispering the right compliments, speaking the emptiest of platitudes, or his talent for saying and writing the most venomous phrases with words that ooze of sweetness and innocence will enable him to survive once more.

In closing, when it is time for Elliot to cut dead weight from Citrix, we implore Elliot to do the world a favour and rid Citrix of the execrable and oleaginous rascal known as Employee Number 15. The turds float to the top of the Citrix toilet bowl. It is time to flush Number 15 and other vampires down the toilet.

Thread regarding Citrix Systems Inc. layoffs

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