Hmmm... after carefully analyzing the article, I propose the following alternative business plan and cost saving ideas which are more in line with the current executive team’s skillset:
1) Start digging straight down in the quad and see if they strike oil;
2) Install wind generators in the back of the N auditorium to harvest the hot air the execs spew on stage;
3) Melt down all non-essential personnel for the valuable minerals found in human bodies (only PIP’ed 50+ employees, and only 5 at a time to avoid WARN reporting, per normal Qualcomm practice);
4) Charge $1 to use the bathrooms for #1, $10 if it’s #2;
5) Sell all SIX Qualcomm private jets. Hahahaha just kidding that’s a stupid idea you fxcking coach passenger peasants;
6) Spend billions (without doing in depth market research) trying to bring a subscription based portable TV device to the people who would actually use it (pretty much exclusively young Asian girls living in 1990 without a smart phone who commute on trains I think) and then sh!tcan the entire project, sell the spectrum and declare it a win, bonuses for everyone. Oh dang, they did this one already.
7) Stop paying the executives huge bonuses in a lay-off year. LOLZ Don’t be ridiculous - laying off people is hard work and takes a huge emotional toll on the executive team and that money is critical to make them feel better about having to make those hard choices.