Thread regarding Shell Oil layoffs

In a move that stunned three business sectors, a mega merger was announced that promises to have seismic effects on Wall Street. The three industry sectors involved are petroleum, fast food and personal care. This merger culminates secret meetings that have been been taking place over the past three months between Schick CEO, Walter van de Vijver, Kentucky Fried Chicken CEO and founder, Colonel Harlan Sanders, and Royal Dutch Shell CEO, Ben van Beurden. The new company, named Chicken Schick Shell, will be headed by Colonel Sanders. Van de Vijver and van Beurden will remain with the newly formed company, van de Vijver serving as Vice President of Government Affairs and van Beurden serving as Vice President of Human Resources. Colonel Sanders stated that "the synergies of the merger are just finger licking good. Imagine being able to fill up your car, chowing get down on a bucket of extra crispy fried chicken, and getting a close shave all in one pit stop." A staff reduction of 40% is expected.