Dear HT,
As the holiday season rolls around, we wanted to take a moment to extend our warmest wishes to the person who’s truly made this year unforgettable. Your inspiring leadership has taught us so much—like how to survive on a shoestring budget, find gratitude in redundancy packages, and embrace the joy of mandatory attendance tracking. Who needs Santa when we’ve got your iron fist delivering “gifts” year-round?
We hope you’re spending this Christmas exactly how you envisioned the company’s future: stripped to the bare essentials, devoid of unnecessary frills like, you know, people. It’s not every day you get to watch a company go from thriving innovation to a minimalist masterpiece, but you’ve achieved it with such ruthless efficiency that we can’t help but be in awe.
Your penchant for cultivating a work culture that feels like a North Korean civics lesson is truly unmatched. The joy of operating under strict, fear-based rules has brought us all closer together—if only to share whispered dreams of escape during the mandated check-in times.
So here’s to you, the gift that keeps on taking. May your holiday be as merry as a boardroom full of unpaid interns and as bright as the glow of our screens while working on Christmas Day (because, of course, you’ve banned PTO).
Merry Christmas,
Your Dedicated and totally not plotting rebellion Team