You can be paid better working as a Coal Miner after you move to West Virginia than what you are making at Starbucks while being rude all day to the customers you are making coffee for.
Working as a Coal Miner is hard work though, so this probably will scare off a lot of you Starbuckers, since making coffee isn't rocket science or take much effort filling up a cup of overpriced coffee.
Once you become a Coal Miner you will realize that McDonalds makes better tasting coffee at half the price than Starbucks does.
So, you should pack it up and get out of rainy Seattle and head for West Virginia where you can work a real job, probably for the first time in your life, working as a coal miner. You can probably still wear your Starbucks apron too.