Thread regarding Intel Corp. layoffs

Try and work it out with her. Failing that you have to send her packing. When the plane is going down, you must put your oxygen mask on first and only then can you save the others.

My job and marriage went bad at around the same time. I fired my boss and got a better job and then fired my wife and got a better wife. Life is so full of stress, there was never a promise of a stress free life. Identify your problems, come up with solutions and do it. Yes Intel su-ked and was little support, but I can only change what I can change. Wishing you the best.

you've got the wrong wife dude :(

I would man up, stop wringing your hands and do what men are supposed to do... get another job, provide for your family, give your wife some emotional support. She will come around when she realizes her alternatives are far worse then you.

To the OP:
In this kind of situation, it is very natural to do 'cause and effect' analysis. You might tend to think that the possibility of loss of job at Intel caused your wife to turn cold and condescending towards you. But in my humble opinion, there is no cause and effect here. May be your SO had this shallowness in her personality and it needed one bad event to bring that out which in this case is your loss of job. May be she WAS a bad person unbeknownst to you until this point. It could have been any bad event other than job loss. Hypothetically, if you had met an unfortunate medical situation abruptly, she would have still behaved naggingly. Bad times often test the so called relationships (wife/gf, friends, relatives etc). Only the true ones make it past the storm. Or may be there were other problems plaguing your marriage, were growing and the Intel incident just happened to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
Stop correlating Intel and your marriage. Even if this were a bustling tech job market, your marriage would have still gotten to where it is now for some other silly reasons because your wife doesn't sound like a good human being and it takes two such beings for a successful marriage. Or may be thank Intel that because if your job was alright, she would have spent a few more years without revealing her true nature.
Your first priority is to find a new job. Career is the anchor around which all other things of your life will revolve. Your dad was right. It is true not just in China but in most of the World.
You see, you are at a precipice where you get to cleanse your professional life and personal life and make them better at the same time. Good luck :)

OP here:

It's not that bad if we didn't have kids. I think I would miss my kids if divorced.

Yeah it would kind of su-k not having a partner for a bit but it's probably fine after a year or so.

This whole seeing your kids every other weekend 4 days out of the month would be a big change from seeing them every day.

OP, I think the reason he asked you about ethnicity is that behaviour is a very mainland China attitude where marriage is more of a business transaction than here in the West.
Sorry you are going through this but move on from her if she treats you like that.

my original post got deleted lmfao!

I’d like to give you gentlemen’s advice but it seems like anything I say will get deleted. Let’s try this: Look up “Passport Bros” & do that. Your life will be much more peaceful.

It sounds your family has bigger problem than intel does.

This posting should be a must read for Intel managers and executives. Your empty promises without seeing through tin actions results not only the financial losses for tens and thousands employee but may also cost their dearest families and health. Your irresponsible deeds will bring the karma back to you and you should not feel that you can be the lucky ones to escape.

Sorry to hear the struggle. If you need counselling, do so before it turns into mental issue. Hope things get better soon.

I encouraged my husband to quit job where he was absolutly miserable and he did. We were fine and he was happy. She doesn't deserve you.

Weird troll post. I'm gonna go with some made up ish that never happened for $500, Alex

I’ve noticed that one bad side of the work ethic in China is that people think that hard work will solve everything. Hard work does not save you from a layoff. You and your wife should have a candid conversation about the tension. She should be supportive so that you are more motivated to find a job. You both probably should consider if there is some other underlying issue.

It happens, bro.
Take care.

You lost me at men are the breadwinner. If you said that to me after giving birth, raising your kids while making sure the household was covered and working a full time job, I would be cranky like your wife too. Grow some ba--s and get a clue man.

Sometimes you have to lose everything in order to move to next level in your life. No matter what happens, I hope you treat it as part of the life experience and have faith in yourself that you will come out to be stronger and more successful. Best wishes to you and your family.

If you are having conversations about how to handle custody of the kids your marriage is toast. It has been over with for a while. Your job loss was just the last thing needed to push everything over the edge. If you are being a whiny b-tch about losing your job she probably isn't too impressed with you masculinity. Man up and take charge... they tell you that they don't want that but if you don't bring they will find it from someone else.

Just focus on finding a new job. I am doing the same.

Stop being a biznatch. Stop sharing your feelings with your wife. Share that stuff with men if you have too. It makes you seem weak. When you talk with your wife , be positive, have fun, keep the talk lite and not about you. Be like Chad. Focus on yourself, goto gym, take some classes a community college, volunteer, all while aggressively looking for a better job. She is drawn to strength and fun. Women think about the future too much, if you are woe me all the time, she thinks this is my life now. Pick wild flowers and make her a gift . Stuff like that. Work on projects at home. If you have kids take them to the park without your wife. Once you get healthy you will have a chance, if she still leaves, then you will be healthy without her.

@OP man I feel for you. What can I do ?
Divorce is not the end of the world. You will meet someone who cares for you and wants to be with you more than a job and paycheck. Things change. If I or anyone here can help, I know we want to.

Are you staying positive and looking at this as an opportunity to do something better? Or are you down, feeling sorry for yourself and looking for support?

Your attitude will make a huge difference for both your wife and your job hunt.

OP Here,

Not sure why ethnicity has anything to do with it but to satisfy your curiosity

we are both Chinese Americans but she was raised in China.

Marriage is transactional now a days. I mean if you think about it, love is always conditional for example would you tolerate open cheating? carrying high debt and gamble the family wealth away, violence, dr-g addiction, etc. We were all taught about "unconditional love" but that's ridiculous.

Well, at least you know now!

It is socially acceptable for women to stay at home but for men it is not.

Look on the bright side, you learned something new and now get go out there and get some money money money =)

Remember how you were treated when you were down and later on decide what to do... when you are on top. Right now just focus on what you need to do.

I was abruptly laid off 2 weeks after my marriage in 1980... we had been home for 2 days after our honeymoon and got the phone call (I was a remote field engineer). I immediately started my job hunting process. At this time there was no electronic comms other than newsgroups to aid in my search. We relied mostly on going to the employment offices scouring the bulletin board postings and personal networking. One thing that I did during this time is I got the wife involved in my search. She would go down the employment office, talk to her friends and type letters for me (prior to pc's)... I actually found a similar postion with the help of my wife... the job was another field engineer position found by my wife talking to one of her friends. It turned out to be from her friend's friend.

Sorry to hear that. But yes a jobless does try your marriage just like a serious illness would. while your spouse needs to be understanding see if you can make yourself useful with other chores around the house. Are you trying to get back on your feet? what are you doing to keep moving forward in life? Both of you will need to meet each other half way. but divorce due to a layoff is not wise. Any other woman will also look at your financial stability. It is tough times for those laid off. Hang in there and make sure you don’t get su-ked in by the hopelessness. push your productivity on certain days while you do selfcare/sulking on other days.

You need to find a better wife. My wife was very supportive when I got ISP'd. She was more enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. Life moves on we adapt to any situation.

@qfp+1v
so a man has to save his job AND his marriage. He has to be perfect at whatever he does. Not allowed to vent, not allowed to have a 'pity party', basically not allowed to be a human going through emotions/pain. If it were a woman who posted this, buckets of scorn would have already fallen on her husband on this thread without asking for the 'other side of it'. Typical everyday -exism at play. The OP is going through a crisis, if you can't be compassionate, stfu. Out of curiosity, are you a 40 something f/ ?

If you don't mind, what is your race, ethnicity ?

@qfp+1vy9MrMc

Typical bullsh-t! WHY if a woman is not getting her emotional needs fullfilled is a the man’s fault but if it is the other way around? Then the guy must be doing something “wrong”??

I know we are only hearing one side of the story and what you said it is not entirely incorrect, but the fact you focused on that as if it is the MOST likely scenario is what does not make sense.

Listen OP,

My advice is very respectfully in a calm and approrpiate way let your wife know how you feel. If she does not take you seriously perhaps look for marriage therapy. There could be some previous unaddressed issues that are only making it to the surface now! But at the same be warned, many women leave the moment things go south money wise! hopefully not yiur case

Only Intel has a job for men? Find other jobs unless you are dr-gged to keep thinking about a job at Intel.

"for better or worse, good times or bad". Sorry man. Sounds like you are not getting the support you want, emotionally. But we are only getting your side of it, and your perspective. Could there be something you can improve in your attitude, even if you have to fake it? People want to hear that you haven't given up hope, not that you're having a pity party for yourself. It's not even about the job loss/income loss, but can be the loss of confidence you've experienced that is making it miserable to be around you. It happens to the best of us. I'm not trying to be cold, but is there something you can work on in yourself to turn things around? I hope you can save your marriage in these challenging times. Best of luck to you.