Sources report that the dreaded June 13th has arrived at Optum, and the first wave of "volunteers" for the Optum Games have been selected. Whispers in the hallways speak of tearful goodbyes, frantic desk-clearing, and the ominous sound of HR's footsteps echoing in the distance.
For those still spared, remember: the Games are just beginning. Stay vigilant, keep your LinkedIn profiles updated, and may the odds be ever in your favor.