Ladies and Gentlemen, gather 'round for the circus that is... the Broadcom & VMware Extravaganza! 🎪
- The Fortune Teller tent is up! Visit and know your fate weeks prior to the grand event. Spoiler: Broadcom is like that brutally honest friend who tells you there's spinach in your teeth. They're brutally... well, brutal.
- Join the "X Months' Bonus Carousel"! Stay seated, take a bonus spin, and then a gentle push off with a "Thank you for your services" note!
- Step right up to the "Day 1 Layoff Slide"! Weeeeeee... down you go with the same severance package.
- Feelin' lucky? Enter the "Broadcom Lottery Booth"! You might land a golden job offer, and if the stars align, an RSU treasure chest awaits!
- Curious who's playing Puppet Master? Your own managers, guided by the mystic numbers Broadcom conjures up.
- If you're from the villages of Finance, HR, IT and others, here's a clue – the EXIT is that way. 👉 Sales folks, your fate's like a mixed bag of jellybeans; you might get a sweet one, or a nasty surprise!
- Developers! Wear your crowns, for at Broadcom, YOU are the royalty. All hail the coding Kings and Queens!
- If you're hanging around the 'Overhead Tent' or the 'Program Management Jamboree', might want to sneak into the Engineering Castle for better odds.
- Fancy marcom dancers and event magicians? You'll probably disappear in a puff of smoke. Maybe day 1, maybe in 3 months, but... poof!
- At Broadcom's Circus, they do sprinkle gold dust (read RSUs/Bonus). But, forget the carnival treats like massages and free food. Instead, prepare for the rigorous juggling act.
- If you're here to sprinkle fairy dust and change the world, wrong tent! Broadcom is more of a "show-me-the-money" than "let's-hug-a-tree" kinda place.
- Dreaming of the Big Top Management? Dream on! Although, they do make it rain 💰, but don't expect to climb the circus ladder.
- Broadcom’s magic number? 70% Non-Gaap Op Inc. If your act isn't mainstream and raking in the coins, then poof! Best of luck!
- Home is where the... work isn't. No cozy at-home performances. And yes, you'll need to juggle, dance, and tightrope walk to stay in the show.
So there you have it, folks! Prepare for the show of a lifetime, and remember to always keep your sense of humor, even when the circus tent comes tumbling down! 🎉🎈🤹♂️