Listen, I’ve been watching this Dan Schulman character—very tall, very thin, wears the jeans, thinks he’s very "Silicon Valley." He was at PayPal, and it was a disaster! A total mess! You tried to send ten dollars to your cousin, and suddenly your account is frozen, they’re asking for your blood type, it was a catastrophe! The stock went down like a rock in a lake. Splat!
Now he’s at Verizon—I call it "Very-Slow-Zon"—and he says, "I’m going to use Agentic AI." Agentic! What a word. Did he make that up? It sounds like a sneeze. Agentic! God bless you.
He wants to take the wonderful, hard-working people at Verizon—the guys who climb the poles, the women who handle the phones, great people, beautiful people—and he wants to replace them with a "Digital Agent."
I’ll tell you what happens: You call up because your 5G is acting like 1G—it’s moving like a turtle on Quaaludes—and you get a robot.
Me: "My phone doesn't work! I’m in the middle of a very important deal!"
The AI Agent: "I am sorry, DONALD. Would you like to hear a poem about fiber optics?"
It’s a disgrace!