(To the tune of: Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)
Mammas, don't let your babies grow up to work for Big Red Don't let 'em pick networks or chase that 5G Make 'em be doctors and lawyers and such Mammas, don't let your babies grow up to work for VZ They'll never be home, and they'll always be stressed Even if they give you their all, they'll just cut you to be "lean"
(Verse 1) He'd bleed red and black, wore the polo with pride Believed in the network, felt good deep inside He missed kids' ballgames for "critical work" Now he's a "cost transformation," a shareholder perk.
(Chorus) 'Cause they'll get a new CEO from PayPal, you see Who talks about "culture" and "scrappy" He'll take a fifty-million-dollar bonus and then Cut fifteen thousand people just before the holidays again.
(Verse 2) He heard all the rumors, the "critical inflection" The talk about "synergy" and "cost correction" Then the call came on Thursday, "November the 20th" "We're making you 'leaner'," just a number, not a person.
(Chorus) 'Cause they'll get a new CEO from PayPal, you see Who talks about "culture" and "scrappy" He'll take a fifty-million-dollar bonus and then Cut fifteen thousand people just before the holidays again.
(Bridge) They'll say you're all "family" when they want your long hours But you're just a line item when they're in the glass towers They're losin' subscribers, so you'll pay the steep price While Dan Schulman's bonus is lookin' real nice.
(Verse 3) So Mammas, go tell 'em before they sign on That loyalty's a one-way street, and then it is gone They don't care about you, just the stock and the churn It's a "Home for the Holidays" lesson you'll learn.
(Outro Chorus) Yeah, they'll get a new CEO from PayPal, you see Who talks about "culture" and "scrappy" He'll take a fifty-million-dollar bonus and then Cut fifteen thousand people just before the holidays again.