I rolled outta bed to my fifth Teams call,
Pretendin’ to care while they say nothin’ at all.
VPs from Europe on my screen again,
Stealin’ Deepwater budgets for their wind farms with a grin.
Talkin’ in circles, no clue what’s next,
But here’s a new DE&I hire sendin’ out a text:
“Please join our panel on gender norms.”
When were these kids even born?
Shell su-ks, Teams calls again,
They stack ‘em back-to-back so no one ever wins.
Shell su-ks, grifters got in,
Promote some chick from Land to run the Gulf again.
What’s my job again?
What’s my job again?
I miss the days when we drilled for oil,
Not endless PowerPoints just to live in career turmoil.
Back then we worked, now we just pretend,
Re-org every year, then do it all over again.
Wells are delayed, permits a mess,
But LinkedIn’s full of “leaders” calling failure success.
Houston’s drained to pay The Hague,
But they’ll remind you “Shell’s a global brand, so don’t complain.”
Shell su-ks, it’s rinse-repeat,
They offshore all our jobs so labor costs stay cheap.
Shell su-ks, the rot runs deep,
The ones who lead us haven’t worn FRs in years.
What’s my job again?
What’s my job again?
Let’s build a DQ slide pack,
Six months of meetings just to say, “Let’s check with them.”
Decisions lost in committees deep,
Where progress goes to die while managers just leech.
They’re networking hard to keep their face,
Creating busywork so they can justify their place.
Flowcharts, risks, assumptions too,
But speed? Nah, not at Shell — we’ve got more decks to do.
They told me, “Think like Europe, it’s future-proof and wise.”
But now I spend my mornings on diversity slides.
Shell su-ks, cuts come again,
Another useless strategy no one comprehends.
Shell su-ks, I lost my friends,
But don’t forget to post your pride flag post on LinkedIn.
What’s my job again?
What’s my job again?
Work su-ks, I know
What’s my job again?
What's my job again?