What’s the deal with these clowns and their obsession with team get-togethers?
I’ve been working for a long time, and I have never—never—seen a group of people so ridiculously attached to these pointless, time-wasting, absolutely useless events. Do y’all not have anything better to do? Like, I don’t know… spend time with your families or literally do anything else?
And the excuses I’ve heard? Embarrassing. The most common one? “I don’t want to be around my kids.” Well then, genius, why did you have kids? That’s gotta be one of the d-mbest things I’ve ever heard. It’s like people have fully embraced the drone mentality—mindlessly showing up, nodding along, and pretending these events are anything other than a complete waste of oxygen.
And the traveling? Oh, don’t get me started. Packing up, spending hours commuting just to sit in a room and listen to the same copy-paste garbage they’ve been spewing for years—empty promises, vague motivational nonsense, and a whole lot of nothing. Y’all that scared to just say no? At what point do you realize you’re being herded around like cattle by a bunch of goofy corporate clowns?
And let’s talk about the inside hiring circus. I’m honestly shocked no one has sued yet. It’s like a family business except no one’s actually related—they just pretend to be.
But the best part? The fear-mongering. The subtle (and not-so-subtle) pressure from management. The “Oh, you’re not a team player if you don’t go” nonsense. Spoiler alert: I checked—this isn’t mandatory. No policy. No rule. Just peer pressure from people who can’t handle the thought of someone not wanting to waste their day on this nonsense.
Go ask HR , you know what they said ? “Life happens and these aren’t mandatory.”
And THEN—oh, this is rich—after a full day of pretending to care, they want you to go out to dinner with them? Absolutely not. My shift is over. Clock out, log off, disappear. We are co-workers, not friends. Whoever made up this “forced bonding” idea is clearly a lunatic. Just picture a room full of these people, sitting around, drooling, brainstorming ways to make work even more annoying.
And don’t even try to gaslight me and say this isn’t happening—I see it. I’m watching it unfold in real time. This isn’t about “team building.” It’s about pushing a mindset.
So, at what point does someone speak up? Because I am. Loudly. But apparently, it’s just me and a handful of others while the rest of you are too scared to say a word. Twelve people in this whole goofy company are willing to say this is d-mb. That’s it.
If you want to play corporate fantasy camp, do it on your own time. Just leave the rest of us out of it.