I’ve solved our problems by developing these new labels. You may self-select one for yourself and identify as such in future posts.
WFH Masters: those who are more efficient and effective, and also have current heavy workloads and are performing better without the distractions of commute and random office drop ins. They live in fear of this wonderful new existence being ripped away from them for unsubstantiated reasons (“people collaborate better in person!” - HR robot).
WFH Crabs: those with good work ethic and heavy workloads but can’t get sh– done because of distractions in their house and need an office to escape to. This also includes those right brained souls who have always been good contributors but just perform better when they can randomly drop in and “collaborate” with all their unsuspecting coworkers and they haven’t figured out how to do the same via technology. They preach about how we knew what we were signing up for when we took this job. (Or is that you, HR?)
WFH Leeches: those getting away with not doing sh– and loving every minute of it. These are protected by random managers for God knows why reasons. They use COVID as the reason they don’t want to go back.
WFH Casualties: those who have nothing to do and don’t know how to come up with useful work to do and their managers are inept or have abandoned them.
Other one-offs:
Actual immunocompromised and olders who are actually afraid to go to work. We recognize both of you and respect your position.
That guy who always talks about your wife’s boyfriend.
That guy who thinks that the only useful job is drilling in the Permian (“ONE RIG GUYS”) and doesn’t understand that it also has to be produced and operated and marketed AND there’s more to this company than the Permian.