So, got the email 10 days ago - we are PROUDLY donating our used cheese. Its so woke.
In other news, about 55 days ago 1000+ people were victims of a soft layoff. They hit the streets on 4/1 - To my knowledge they did not get first dibs on this cheese....
Heres the backdrop - we just bought another company Velocify $1.5bln in stock swap.
We just announced another record year; EBITDA 2.29bl, .90EPS.
But, hey lets gut the group that keeps customers happy and renewing for dubious purposes - renewal being the engine for growth.
Here is the internal message - you really did great kids, but its too expensive to keep you. But we're going to charge our clients the same amount. You will disappear internally - your new job is to find another job. You cant let clients know what happened to you, you cant respond, we arent telling anyone. I cant even transition clients because Im locked out of every system except email and the job search engine.
We are ghosts. Unproductive ghosts. Whomever decided this, is purely and simply: a mo–n and possibly also a lazy sociopath.
So if you had an account team and they went POOF, thats what happened. Isnt that SUCCESSFUL!? I have multimillion dollar customers that still havent been assigned and have no idea for the last two months, or worse I cant respond! Nobody responds. Not new managers, not new teams.
They could've done this any possible different way, they just decided on the worst way. Its the business equivalent of a relationship fade for all involved.
I work with C levels, so I see balance sheets and help them, so I did the math here - to keep us all for another 3 months would cost probably .006% of cash on hand, a year maybe .15%. Keep in mind there are 3000 'budgeted' job openings, somebody could be doing something, even if its not ideal and they're way overqualified. Thats better than the alternative, isnt it?
But instead, its been a Bennyhill music madcap scramble the last 35 days to get hired. Problem - budgets really don't get set until March, managers dissappear on vacations and vegas rah-rah junkets, and generally the whole business reshuffles.
So everyone you told "dont worry" - well they're really really really worried now. In fact, it couldnt be worse.....its a psychological nightmare.
In a week - I dont have a; paycheck, benefits, or a particularly good hiring environment. And hey, if not covering the bills wasnt massive stress enough - you have to tell your wife that she cant stock up on TP and hand sanitizer because you might need it for beans, ramen noodles and heat. And yeah, coronavirus.
So we're doing soap and hope here.
And I am scared to my core and cant be quiet any longer.
Thanks Salesforce.
This is a terrible look for customers, for employees, and just as human beings.
Free cheese!? FFS, do better.