I want to be a successful leader at ExxonMobil. I have the following plan:
1). I am planning to install handrails in my car so I can hold them while driving
2). I am planning to target all EM leaders on LinkedIn and like and comment on their posts to become a visible leader. Insert my own leadership behavior posts and tag as many managers as possible. Who knows what clicks.
3). I plan to sign up for a paid certificate online course at Harvard/MIT/Stanford/Wharton, pretend that the online certificate is a real degree with sly LinkedIn presentation under the title and education sections. Even better, buy a banner from a random Institute and show it off to blind people.
4). Start to provide zilch technical and productive work contributions and focus on the magic word “leader.” Start selecting management ladder as the only career objective.
5). Use United Way not for charity but to suk up to management.
6). Have a fake smile and wear leather tight pants with colorful top to work.
My list is long. Hope shall never die and the dream shall live on!